We're chained
by ifnotforthemoonlight
Summary: Carol and Daryl share a bond. Something that connects them so deeply. Now they know how powerful it can be when they are together. But things are never that easy, when they are in the midst of rebuilding society, and have different views on what their roles should be. [This happens after Season 5 so,... spoiler alert :) / Warning: Sexual situations, adult language and some gore]
1. Chapter 1

**"I waited all day.  
you waited all day…  
but you left before sunset…  
and I just wanted to tell you  
the moment was beautiful.  
Just wanted to dance to bad music  
drive bad cars…  
watch bad TV…  
should have stayed for the sunset…  
if not for me."  
\- poem hidden in Vitalogy**

He just sat.

For a bit, breathing.

She sat next to him, shoulder to shoulder. She made the movement slowly and thoughtfully, as if it she was trying to be conscious of all the muscles being used by that movement.

He used to hate human contact. He hated the way it made him feel misplaced, awkward, undeserving. With her it was different, but still, an unexpected reflex made him shift away. He regretted it immediately.

She sat there, openhearted. She had been crying, and she wasn't afraid to cry in front of him.

She was always so aware of his presence when she was near him, a kind of awareness that was not suitable for 'the end of the world'. She tried to hide it. She would never let it show, it wasn't her place. It would never be her place, she already learned that. Although she learned so many more valuable things since the happening: how not to feel, how not to care, how not to be afraid.

But with him she could only pretend not to feel, not to care or not to fear. Pretend that it didn't hurt, that tiny pinch in her guts when he moved away from her casual unplanned (wasn't it?) physical contact, and the sense of loss whenever he was away.

Days, weeks, months, years, had gone by since everything she knew fell apart. She gave up on keeping track. Doesn't matter. The days go by without them realizing it, but the clock is still ticking nervously. What matters is that she was alone to fend for herself always.

She would never assume that there would be a possibility of depending again on someone else, although she did depend on him at certain times. She knew she could. She had been so weak, and she felt ashamed of being week. Those days were over.

Still she feared him. She feared that he would decide to leave again without even a second thought about her. It happened once and it crushed her. So, she pretended she wasn't crushed. Anyway, why would he give a second thought about her? He owed her nothing, he owed nothing to anyone. And that was the one thing that she loved about him. That, and the fact the he _knew_ who she was.

So they just sat there, on the floor of a random room in a random abandoned southern old farmhouse with a story of pain between them.

They looked in each other's eyes. She looked sad, but a smile still curled in her lips, although her eyes showed dismay. And he felt horrible. She deserved better. A beautiful house, a nice car, a fulfilling job, a loving husband, a bubbly baby… She deserved to be happy.

«Happy» he thought… such a strange word in a strange place. There was so much loss between them, so much death. To him it had always been that way, he was used to it, it was normal. It was normal not to be cared for and not be allowed to care.

But she deserved better.

He suddenly wondered if she had the need to be held or to be loved, if she missed it. He didn't miss it. How could he miss something he had never had? The only human contact he ever remembered was the knuckles of his father's heavy hand on his temple, or his brother's rough boots kicking his stomach.

He remembered the times he had made love to women. They didn't touch him. They just bent over as he thrust his anger away. Sometimes he couldn't even find his release this way. He just dwelled on the violence of the act, and then let it go, feeding on the feeling of punishment for not consenting himself to climax.

She deserved better than being fucked from behind by a savage.

The thought made him slightly suffocate on a sigh. Made him aware of the uneasy feeling that was growing on his chest and lower inside his pants. «A savage, you're just a savage, you filthy creep».

He shifted uncomfortably and let his left hand rest on his bended knee. The other hand, trying awkwardly and discreetly to arrange his belt and his crotch area. She carefully and delicately laid her hand on his. Her eyes, blue and ice cold changed to something different, something he couldn't read. Her hand so thin and fragile, her skin so soft and warm, on his hand so rough and dirty. How could she have such clean nails, how was that even possible?

They had touched in other occasions. Most of them in a quick and shy manner, but as her hand lingered on his he felt an urging desire, of being touched and mostly of being touched by her. He had missed her too much without realizing it. She had been a different person for the last couple of months, he only had her back for no more than a day, and he felt something inside him that he wasn't familiar with. He felt a sense of starvation that almost made him dizzy.

He stood suddenly "what the fuck is wrong with you?" He could not conceal the nervousness in his high pitch tone. He paced a few quick steps around himself and darted off the room, leaving her shaking her head, voicing mute words. And then, he left the house.

Without him there she didn't have to pretend. What had just happened? Her eyes watered again and her lungs hurt. She could not breathe, but she tried to.

She thought she had touched his hand as a friend… He looked troubled, and in a way, it felt good not having to be the only one in need of comfort at the moment; she just wanted to let him know that she was there for him. Did she fail at pretending that there was nothing else?

Did he leave her? Was she alone again now? She could live with that… just as soon as she was able to breathe again… maybe if she laid on the floor it would stop hurting so much… she had done it before. So she did. She laid face down, arms and legs stretched out, and she kept very still, eyes wide open so the tears wouldn't flow, until she lost track of time.


	2. Chapter 2

**"This whole world's wild at heart and weird on top" **

**Quote from Wild at Heart**

He returned a few hours later, not making a sound. She wasn't there. «What a fucking asshole» he thought to himself. For the second time, since they met, he pushed her away, out of what? Out of not being able to keep it together in his own mind? Out of anger and disdain for watching her become something he hated in the last few months.

He knew she was pretending, so why did it affect him so much, and so suddenly?

He looked everywhere inside the house. For a moment he realized he left her unguarded, unprotected, she could have been caught, she could be dead right now and it would be on him. No, she knew better than that, right?

Panic hit him like a shot to the head and was starting to spread to the rest of his body as he quietly looked again for a sign of her presence. It was as if she had never been there, as if she never even had existed but in his imagination. He couldn't think straight, he was sweating, and then he heard the front door opening. In a reflex he took a gun from his belt and pointed. She was already pointing her gun back at him.

The cold look on her face changed into a mix of surprise and relief as she recognized him. She had some tools and a few wooden bars in her other hand. It looked like she was preparing to seal the house for the night.

She looked at him, like a deer hypnotized by light.

"I'm sorry" She said and she paused. Before he could say anything she said it again "I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" He dropped his gun and walked over to her, grabbed her arms and pushed her to him, but she didn't let him speak. "I'm sorry" her voice started to tremble, and she was afraid that if she started to cry, this time, she wouldn't be able to ever stop again.

He looked devastated. He had dirt all over his face and his hands. He touched her right cheek with his thumb and left a trace of mud and sweat. «How can she be so clean? You shouldn't be near her you filthy bastard, you are tainting her». But he couldn't let her go and grabbed her face with both hands. Her arms had fallen along her body. She still had her belongings in her hands, and she couldn't stop talking "I swear, I never… I don't… I promise you that I don't…" but as she was shaking her head in denial she was not sure if she could continue to lie to him.

It took all her inner strength to pull herself together and talk: "Daryl, I swear to you that I didn't mean to…" He interrupted her: "Of course you didn't. How could you? I'm a beast Carol, it was all my fault, I shouldn't have left" he hissed. He should let her go, but he wanted her so badly; it was all he ever felt while he was out. A feeling that was tied up inside, but he had unleashed it and now it was growing like a snowball rolling down a mountain.

"No… no, no, no,… you're not a beast, don't say that. Daryl, you are… everything…" her voice was failing her, she was almost whispering now. "You are everything a woman should hope for in a man". She freed her hands and also held his face. They stood like that for a while, breathing hard.

"What are you talking about Carol? Ain't never no woman wanted me unless I had a dollar in my pocket to pay for her services. What's wrong with you? You're bored that's it? You're talking nonsense".

As he said those words in a low voice, so close to her, she caressed his mouth with her fingers ignoring what he said.

"Carol, I don't know how. I don't know how to be more…"

"I know, and I'm sorry. I don't want you to think that I'm an old hag looking for comfort in the arms of the bad boy from the wrong side of the tracks" she smiled, so close to him. "Stop" he said and chuckled.

They held each other in a cleansing embrace, that put it all back together, their special bond. But the embrace soon turned into something more intense. She stopped feeling it's redeeming qualities and started feeling his body against hers. They looked into each other's eyes, and then, she kissed him.

She kissed him slowly and tenderly, like there was nothing else in the world other than his lips. He tasted divine. He smelled divine.

He tasted like mint and tobacco and smelled like the rain. She never thought of a man in that way. Ed always smelled like alcohol and other women. She used to try to forget herself when he satisfied his lust using her body (fucking, beating or both).

Daryl's hands felt big and warm on her nape, pressing her to him. He deepened the kiss with an emergency of someone who was trying to find some breathing air. It made her forget everything else. He kissed her quickly and voraciously. Her lips, her tongue, her eyes, her ears, her neck. He wanted her. He couldn't stop wanting her.

He pressed his body into hers, as if he wanted to climb inside. She lost balance and he held her, laying her down on the floor. He took a deep look at her for a moment. Her eyes were drowsy, like she was inebriated. Her lips were swollen and red because he had kissed her so hard… "Did I hurt you?" He started to panic… "I don't want to hurt you Carol, I don't!"

She shushed him, and she climbed on top of him. Feeling his warmth and his hardness between her legs. Right there, were the desire hit her so hard it burned on her insides. "You didn't hurt me Daryl. It feels so good. You feel so good". As she said that, she instinctively grinded against him. She felt a fire building in her belly, and that was something she had never felt before.

She had had orgasms, when she pleasured herself. But never had she felt the intense necessity of having someone inside her. She needed him inside her. She couldn't help grinding a little bit more, and he groaned painfully as he grabbed her buttocks. He fidgeted nervously on her waistband trying to release her of her trousers. She stood up very quickly, clumsily took of her boots, trousers and panties.

He observed her in pure awe. She was very thin, but still had the roundness and the milky beauty of those painted women he once saw in a magazine about art, that he had found in a box that belonged to his mother, many years back.

She sat on top of him again, and kissed his mouth very gently, and his cheeks, and his neck, while caressing his face. He felt tightness in his chest and it made him tipsy. He stopped touching her; he just laid there savoring what she had to offer him, all her tender warmth.

She unfastened his belt and undid his trousers, took him in her hands and put him there where she needed him, breaching her only a little bit. She had to stop and gasped. She looked at him for support and he stared at her, dead serious. She put her hands on his shoulders for balance, and took him whole inside her. Just one movement that left them both breathless and still.

He couldn't think. He couldn't move. He felt like he was losing control. She started moving, slowly, feeling his whole length back and forth. She felt him filling her, hitting her deep and she continued to slow dance to a slow rhythm in a slow motion ride, closing her eyes while whispering his name. Suddenly, too soon, she came apart around him as she made a long moaning sound in the back of her throat

With her release, he felt he was going to fall into the abyss. He grabbed her by her waist, and pushed her against him, while he lifted his head to shout a silent cry as he emptied himself inside her.


	3. Chapter 3

**"Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again."**

**Robert A. Heinlein**

The world has come to an end. It needs to restart, reboot, revamp, reinvent.

Would she look at him twice if they crossed each other on the street, before everything went to pieces?

A Sunday morning, she would be going to the grocery's, trying not to look at anyone, being self-conscious about her bruised cheek. Praying that Ed wouldn't come back from whatever recreational activity he was involved in that weekend.

He would be sipping his beer through a can, smoking his cigarette, loitering around, planning the great escape of his own mind.

They would meet, maybe crossing a street, and they would think the worse of each other, so immersed in their own hurt.

The world has come to an end and they are beginning to live. No sorrow and no mercy.

They woke up and looked in each other's eyes. And each one thought to be undeserving of the other. And felt so lucky.

They had fallen asleep immediately after making love. They slept on the floor wrapped in each other, like a Klimt painting.

He yawned moving away from her so that he could stretch his arms. With his distance, she realized that she was still naked from the waist down. A soft breeze went through her legs and she felt cold. She covered herself with both hands, before she could grab her pants.

Such an instinctive movement that reflected the sense of shame that was still planted deep inside her. Like her sex was something that she should apologize for.

When she got married, she was so innocent of all matters related to lovemaking. Ed had wooed her into making her believe that he was prince charming, but after having consummated the marriage, he quickly lost interest in her for a long while.

She bravely tried to seduce him a few times, and that was when the mocking and the humiliation began.

«Well, not anymore», she though. She laid back down on the floor, crossed her arms behind her neck, and looked at him with a defiant smile.

No words exchanged.

He felt all the tenderness in the world in his heart. Her skin was so immaculate, warm and soft. He relished the view in front of him and couldn't help smiling back at her, with a bit of a malicious expression.

He caressed her thighs, her belly, her breasts under her shirt while staring into her eyes, the desire building again. Before they had made love he dwelled on thoughts of him not being worthy of her, but now he had felt it, he felt her need for him, and her tenderness. He felt her come because he was inside her. She taught him that the act was not only about hopelessness and rampage, it was about living. He was what she needed, and no one else could do it for her, _he knew_.

He wanted to feel her skin against his, so he removed his heavy boots, and dusty clothes, took off her shirt and lay next to her, touching all of her body with his own. They held one another and kissed tenderly. He didn't know he could feel all this tenderness. He felt disoriented in a strange and delightful kind of way.

He kissed his way into her breasts, scraping his beard through her skin, and took his time suckling on her nipple, like a baby hungrily feeding on his mother. She grabbed his hair with both hands and arched her back. A crude, unrefined wail escaped her.

That set him off.

In one movement, he positioned himself between her legs, opening them with his knee, and guided himself into her, feeling her, moving in her, at first slowly, but as she wrapped her legs around him, faster and harder.

His desperation and hunger for her made her feel powerful. She watched him as he made love to her. His broad angular shoulders, his muscles, the hair on his chest, the tan lines on his arms, his eyes hiding a soft plea piercing hers. They both breathed out together their almost painful release, as they held each other with all their strength.


	4. Chapter 4

**"I'm deranged  
Deranged my love  
I'm deranged down down down  
So cruise me babe  
cruise me baby  
And the rain sets in  
It's the angel-man  
I'm deranged  
The clutch of life  
and the fist of love"**

**(I'm Deranged, David Bowie)**

«Well, the honey-moon was over…» Daryl thought to himself. Suddenly over. It ended as fast as it had begun. It left him wanton and empty.

They had to make the trip back do Alexandria. It would take another night on the run. They didn't talk about what happened. A chain of synchronized efforts in order to get on the move followed. Watch out, don't make too much noise, load the bike, stab some walker getting too close, make a stop in any interesting site in order to search for useful items. Gas. Hunt. Eat. Rest.

He sometimes looked at her and she would be taking a deep breath, as if inhaling some sort of freedom. She looked like the Carol he knew before. She had become herself again as soon as Aaron had left them.

-x-

They had left Alexandria just a few days before. Some medical supplies were needed and a party of three left for a scavenger hunt.

Carol had been secretly desperate to go outside. If she had to cook another chicken stew, she would have to bang her head in the kitchen counter. She had been tired of all that was going on with Rick and Deanna. She had said she would be useful identifying medicine for the children, or some mambo jambo excuse.

"We ain't going out for knitting supplies…" Daryl had said, half smiling, looking at her from the corner of his eye.

He wanted to laugh hard at her, when she walked around him, lifting her chin, arranging the collar of her navy blue angora cardigan, and clutching her purse under her arm. "Well, you know me, I'm a sucker for yarn." She said through her teeth.

So Aaron and Carol took a vehicle and Daryl rode the bike after them. «Princess Pea can't ride the bike» he had thought while rolling his eyes. He couldn't help to escape a muffled "pfff" as Aaron opened the car's door for her, to which she smiled with a slight bow of the head.

He missed her so much. He missed her being tough and bad ass, but what he missed the most was their complicity, their wordless conversations, her occasional touch. She made him feel special and worthy, not just a punk who needed a bath.

For most of the first day they traveled together, making the needed stops to search for supplies. When the daylight started to fade, Aaron thought it would be better to find somewhere comfortable so they could spend the night safely and at the same time store all the goods they had collected.

That's when they found that little girl on the road.

She must have been eleven or twelve. She was dressed in a night gown and she was running down the dirt street. She ran slowly, barefoot, mechanically, limping, like she wasn't even aware of where she was. She must have heard them driving down the path, but she didn't even look back.

Aaron stopped the car and ran towards the girl. They could clearly see she was not a walker, because she was screaming for her mother. At this, Daryl got out, took his crossbow from his back, loaded it quickly and aimed, so that he got everyone covered. He was on kill mode, but he noticed that Carol calmly sat on the car with her hands crossed on her lap, completely still, her face showed no emotion.

Dispersed walkers were starting to abnormally gait towards them, as they usually did when they sensed noise. Before they could concentrate, Daryl started to take them down at a distance, wishing that Aaron would make the little girl stop yelling.

She quieted. Aaron ran towards Daryl carrying the girl. "She's in shock." Aaron said. "I think she stayed in some farm nearby, I could only make out that her mother was killed. She's freezing; we have to take her home".

The girl was curling like a baby in Aaron's lap, moaning and shaking uncontrollably.

"We ain't gonna take her home! As far as we know her home is packed with walkers… we have to leave this place right _now_".

"Home to Alexandria." Aaron stared into Daryl's eyes. "She needs to be cared for."

Carol, who until now just sat in the car looking forward, took a fighting knife out of her purse, got out of the car, and stabbed an approaching female decomposed creature in the eye. It fell over her and she pushed it away.

She strode to Daryl and Aaron "You take her back to Alexandria Aaron, we'll finish the hunt, we still need to find antibiotics and painkillers."

Aaron looked at her startled "Ok, you have another day, and then I'll come back for you". He laid the girl down in the back of the car and took off while Daryl and Carol back to back put down three more walkers that were creeping by, and then got on the bike and made a wide u turn and stopping in order to retrieve the arrows that earlier were shot.

They were on their way to find a safe place to stay for the night, riding the dusty road. Carol grabbed Daryl's waist with both her hands, and rested her head on his back.

He was focused on riding the bike, but he couldn't stop escaping a crooked half smile. She was back. He then though he heard her whisper "I thought it was her… She had her hair like Sophia's…"

-x-

After she had let it all out, after having cried until no tears were left inside her body, and after him leaving, she thought that she would never return to Alexandria. She felt alone and abandoned, she didn't want to return and make up some stupid story on how they had been lost from each other. She certainly didn't want to face him again.

As she lay on the floor almost suffocating on the pain of missing her child and the pain of being abandoned by the only person who meant more than family to her, that ever did made her feel understood, she decided to leave the group. But then he was back… He was back and they made love to each other. And now everything was turmoil inside her head.


	5. Chapter 5

**"I'm unclean, a libertine  
And every time you vent your spleen,  
I seem to lose the power of speech,  
Your slipping slowly from my reach.  
You grow me like an evergreen,  
You never see the lonely me at all"**

**Without you I'm nothing - Placebo**

She felt the soreness of being taken, owned, loved. And it felt wonderful.

The grief of being reminded that she lost a child was numb again. Stored. Archived in the dusty folder, in the dilapidated basement where it had belong for what seemed to be a long time.

Sophia's fate was something she disciplined herself not to dwell in. How old would she be now? A teenager much like Beth when they met her on Hershel's farm... Would she still have all the sweetness in her eyes or would she have become a cold blooded killer like her mother. Darling Sophia... She had such a difficult life from the beginning, witnessed so many ugly things, and suffered so much in the end.

She should have done more. She should have taken matters in her own hands so many times, and she didn't. She didn't. She didn't even know she could.

The thing is: when you are hostage of someone who lets you know that you are worthless over and over again, you start to believe in it. Your mind gets locked inside some sort of invisible helmet that doesn't allow you to think. It feels heavy on your head. And your hands don't respond to your brain, so you can't take it off.

When you free yourself from that, you believe that you'll never go back.

She felt his mark inside her core, but she knew she shouldn't bear it for long. She had to return to a world where people had to pretend in order to survive, only this time she was the predator, the huntress who pledged loyalty to her family and would do whatever she saw fit to protect them, like she hadn't done before.

When she saw that girl running in front of her, she thought she was hallucinating. Maybe it was the way the setting sunlight hit her, or a strange optical illusion, or maybe the girl really looked like Sophia, but Carol thought she was losing her mind.

Her instinct was to scream until her throat hurt, because she was there but it couldn't be possible, or maybe everything had been a dream and she didn't know what was real anymore. Her head was screeching, her ears pounding and she knew she just had to be still. If she moved everything would fall apart.

She knew he didn't understand it. Of all the things he understood about her without ever the need of a spoken word, this wasn't one of them.

He meant so much to her, she couldn't even describe it. She had hidden it, essentially from herself, and now, she had set it free, it was out there like some sort of trinket that someone could collect by defeating her if they found out.

During the trip back to Alexandria she had this blustering inner debate. She felt overwhelmed at times. Consumed by the love she felt for him. Hysterical with the pleasure of his want for her. She remembered all the details of the day before, every word, every whisper and every touch. She wanted to kiss him again and again, and take him between her legs right there were the ache persisted.

The other Carol, though, she was cold. She called herself a bitch. She was convinced that the group couldn't ever know that she had something to lose. She would never be weakened by feelings. She was adamant on keeping the appearance of the helpless Martha-Stewart-like lady to Deanna and a hardened warrior to Rick.

But Aaron had seen. He had seen the real her. She remembered him staring, his jaw dropped, as she held her fighting knife like it was an extension to her own hand. She would have to deal with it later.

Daryl kept it to himself most of the trip, but not in a distant way. It was like as if he knew she was struggling inside and didn't want to intrude.

They had to make one more stop for the night before reaching Alexandria. They found shelter under a lonesome tree that thrived inside a clearing. Daryl set a small fire, and she spread a worn out Saltillo blanket on the ground. After they ate whatever preserved food they carried, he told her to rest, he would stand guard for the night. She didn't argue, she felt exhausted, she realized she quickly grew out of practice of the outdoor life.

She tried to sleep, but kept waking up with haunting nightmares of Sophia, Lizzie, Mika, and the nameless girl. He just sat and let her curl up next to him, and kept caressing her shoulders and her back until she drifted into a dreamless sleep.

The next day, as they rode the bike, a few miles before reaching Alexandria he made the stop.

He didn't get off the bike; he didn't even turn back to look at her face to face. He just said it over his shoulder "I won't take it back Carol. I can figure what's jumpin' up n' down in that brain of yours, but this was real, it _is _real".

"It was real Daryl, and I'll cherish it forever"

This wasn't at all what she wanted to say. What she wanted to say was some cheesy line like "take me I'm yours" or "I'm never letting you go"... Or "I love you", but she couldn't get pass bitch-Carol.

"What does that even mean?" He said while at the same time he got on the move again without warning. She sunk her nails in his arms in a fright so that she wouldn't fall and said nothing.


	6. Chapter 6

**"One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple."  
Jack Kerouac - The Dharma Bums**

Alexandria was a stage and everyone was in costume playing their part, blending in like they though they should. Everyone, except Daryl. His refusal to be tamed left him with the outsider role.

On their arrival, the group came to tenderly greet them. After everything they went through they learned to appreciate a safe return, much like soldiers meeting their loved ones after returning from war. Quickly Carol disappeared among her new 'friends' from community service without even looking back at him.

Daryl went to the only place he usually felt at ease. He didn't go right away though, he stayed outside working on his bike for a while, in their garage. He gave Aaron and Eric some time to "cuddle and stuff"... whatever they did when they were alone.

He was taught to mistreat people who were considered by popular knowledge to be 'different'. One time, Merle and he vandalized a woman's house only because they heard rumors that her son had left town with another guy. She was a widower, Mrs. Tay, as they had called her. She had always been nice to them, the Dixon brothers, let them hang around her house from time to time, let them play with mud pools with Eddy in her garden when they were kids. She even once took Daryl in when his father kicked him out of the house. He was nine and had a burning fever and a sore back from the belt. She let him stay for the night, even gave him some fried pickles.

She never talked to him again after they trashed her place, and that didn't stop him and Merle to make fun of her when she passed them on the street. He had to make big brother proud...

Now, it was Aaron and Eric who were taking him in, and he felt at ease. He envied them in some strange sort of way, because they were with each other not giving a shit to what others might think, and still lived on 'main-street-after-the-apocalypse'. That was bad ass on his book.

"Daryl, come inside, Eric's made us some chili...well... Sort of, anyway" Aaron said from the garage's entrance.

Daryl followed him and made his way to the kitchen table.

"Daryl! I'm so glad you're back. When we first saw Aaron arrive without you and Carol we thought the worse had happened. Rick even went a little crazy. Thought he was going to strike Aaron again". Eric said, genuinely excited, sipping some wine from a crystal glass. He was already sat on the table and still looked weak, not having yet fully recovered from the broken ankle.

"Yeah, Rick is a little crazy like that..." Said Aaron through his teeth, raising an eyebrow while taking two beers from the fridge and opening them. "Today is a beer day, you in Daryl? Let Eric stick to the wine".

"I'm so refined!" Eric responded laughing and taking yet another sip.

"Yeah, sure, thanks." Daryl took the beer bottle and put it to his mouth, only taking it down when the last drop was swallowed. It felt good feeling the liquid down his throat, and the immediate buzz that followed.

Aaron stood, still watching him, with his own beer in his hand, untouched. He looked at it and handed it to Daryl. He took it and this time held it between his hands. "D'you mind if I take a shower?"

Aaron and Eric looked at him with a question in their gaze.

"Later, I mean... Could I use your bathroom?" He continued, trying to avoid looking either of them in the eyes.

Aaron and Eric ridiculously started talking nonsense at the same time.

"Forget it. Stupid idea."

Eric reached his arm and in a serious tone said: "it's never a stupid idea if it concerns toiletries".

Daryl started eating the Chili... "Ground beef is hard to find in the local market nowadays", Eric said smiling delicately.

He didn't answer, just ate quietly. He was never good with small talk. Never saw the point in it. It tasted fine anyway, made him feel comfortable and relaxed.

He then remembered the child they had rescued. "What about that little girl?" Since their arrival, he exchanged a few words with Rick, but no one had mentioned _her_.

"Oh, Hannah you mean? She is staying with Maggie and Glenn. When she arrived she was unconscious. She's been in and out of consciousness since then, and when she is awake she can't remember anything, she only recalled her name." Eric replied.

"Rick has been bothered with that lately." Aaron continued "when I arrived with her, and he thought something had gone wrong with you and Carol, he kind of considered not allowing her in. Thought she could be bait, and her group could be following her. It took him a while to believe in me... I know when I'm being followed. Anyway, we couldn't just leave the girl outside the walls..."

"Yeah, Rick knows his stuff". And that was everything Daryl has to say about the subject.

The rest of the meal went on with Aaron and Eric talking about what books they should try to find for the library, and how to store them, like they had a debt to the human kind of keeping them unharmed. As if walkers attacked books... None of that made sense to him, but he enjoyed listening to them talking, to each other so intimately.

Their body language was that of a young couple in love gravitating around each other. It made him think of Carol, and how she had told him that he was everything a woman would want in a man.


	7. Chapter 7

**"Love me two time, girl  
One for tomorrow  
One just for today  
Love me two times  
I'm goin' away"**

**Love me two times – The Doors**

Weeks had passed and everyone was busy doing something essential for the maintenance of the Safe Zone. Everything fell into a forced order after the killing of Pete.

Deanna changed. She completely isolated herself from the rest of the town. Only her son, Spencer, and Rick were allowed to visit.

Rick didn't talk with the rest of his group about what was going on during his meetings with Deanna. At least not yet… They had to be careful not to be seen talking privately or people could think a conspiracy was going on. Now, more than ever, was the time to keep up the appearances or else, Alexandria's population could rebel against them.

Everything was being done in order to reinforce the walls, fill the pantry, and keep the armory loaded. Rick took over every decision made. Every order that was given by him though, was assured to have Deanna's approval. People came to Rick to ask him how Deanna was doing, and to send her messages of comfort and support. Rick heard every resident with patience and assured each and every one that everything would be alright.

It was bizarre how collective memory worked: just no more than a month ago things were escalating quickly and Rick was near being considered armed and dangerous. Now, everyone trusted him, and reached to him for help and guidance.

Rick and Michonne maintained their police officers' uniform. It was important to keep the illusion that Deanna was still in charge. Every job was kept except for Maggie's: she took over Pete's job at the hospital. Although she wasn't a doctor she had had experience in helping her father treating animals at the farm, and later the injured people within their group. That was about the best they could do right now. It would be Aaron and Daryl's task to recruit another fully qualified doctor. But for now, Maggie had an influent position as she could reach the general population and gain their trust.

Morgan decided to stay for a while, always making sure that it was clear that it was temporary. He and Rick had long conversations, almost like two old friends remembering good times after reuniting. Only, there were no good times to remember…

The little girl Aaron had rescued, Hannah, was slowly recovering from her shock. She was almost physically recovered, but she tired easily, and didn't have her memory back. Because Maggie was the elected "town doctor" and was very busy taking care of people in need of medical attention, someone suggested that Hannah stayed under Carol's watch, a task that was politely refused by her. What was it with the universe that kept throwing children at her, with tragic stories that made her suffer and remind her constantly of her own pain?

The girl ended up staying with Jessie and Sam, which was the best solution for now. Not only it kept her away from Carol, but also Sam was excited with his new roommate and stopped following her around.

Carol had only seen Daryl twice since their hunting trip. She knew he was out with Aaron, but she didn't want to ask details because she wasn't sure if her tone wouldn't give her away.

The first time they saw each other was in a town's meeting. An inventory of the armory was made, and another two guns were missing. Daryl exchanged looks with Carol, as if to ask her if it had been her, and quickly understood that it hadn't. Another mystery for Rick to unfold. Maybe more important than finding out who had been vandalizing arts &amp; crafts around the neighborhood.

The second time they met, they crossed the street, going in opposite directions. Daryl slowed the pace and so did she. They met halfway, and Daryl timidly reached for her hand, with a look full of longing and sadness. Her eyes at first cold, gave away the tenderness and the love she felt for him.

He had showered and shaved she could smell the lavender on his washed clothes, it was almost intoxicating.

"You OK?" he asked. Her face lightened in an inebriating smile, and she answered "Yes I am… and you?" He didn't smile, he just looked at her, as if absorbing every feature of her face. He didn't answer either. Just gave her a slight grunt. How could he tell her that he missed her all the time? That he kept reminding of her, naked, wrapped in him, her breath and her warmth?

Their fingers touched but their hands never held. They stood in silence for a moment, savoring that small contact, until she retreated, and returned to housewife mode, glancing around her to see if anyone was watching them. When she looked back at Daryl, he had already turned away and kept walking.

After that encounter he left with Aaron. Two weeks had already gone by and he was still gone. No one really talked about them being away, as if it was completely normal, as if they went of a fishing trip just for fun.

Every day, his absence was overflown with the notion of her emptiness.

One afternoon, she was preparing a few meals for her usual house calls, and Maggie asked her if she could go to Eric's to make sure he was eating properly. She had seen him and he was not doing well. Carol's stomach clenched, but she cordially agreed.

She made a chicken soup and, after delivering the usual meals, headed to Eric's. She knocked and there was no answer. The door was locked so she walked around the house until she reached the garage. Carol looked around and felt groggy. She knew that Daryl spent a lot of time there working on his bike. She nervously looked for signs of his existence on the way to the back door, as if she found them she would know that he was alive and well. When she reached the door, it was unlocked and so she came in through the kitchen.

She found Eric passed out on the living room's sofa. He lied fully clothed, face down on the couch. His left arm and leg touching the floor. She could smell the alcohol that his whole body emanated.

After she got a glass of water, she gently touched him on the shoulder. He turned suddenly while yelping, putting both hands over his heart as if he had had the worse fright in his life. He stared at her completely disoriented and she hastily said "I came by to see if you needed any help… brought you food!"

Eric was a mess. He drank the water as if his life depended on it and tried to gain composure. "Thank you carol, you are very kind".

"You know… painkillers and wine don't go very well together… You should lay back down, I'll make you some tea… I'll help you take a bath, and if you're feeling better, you'll eat a little bit of my soup OK?" She talked to him almost if he was a child in need of a caring mother.

"Thank you Carol, I'll accept your help… mostly because I'm feeling so alone… You and Maggie were the only ones to visit. Not that it surprises me… but… oh God, I miss him so much Carol…"

He sat on the couch, with his elbows on his knees and his head between his hands and he sobbed uncontrollably. She sat next to him and put her hand on his back to offer some comfort. She didn't expect for him to be so open with her, she didn't know what to say because her own despair was swimming to the surface so fast… "It's OK Eric, everything is going to be just fine, you'll see…" As she said this, she was confused on whether this was her persona talking or she was being honest, not in believing blindly that everything was going to be fine, but in offering openhearted support to someone who mirrored her own feelings.

"You miss him too don't you?"

"Of course I do Eric, of course I do. Aaron is a very valuable member of this community. I've grown to… like him… very much… After all, you were the ones who brought us here, and in a way, saved us" she replied in an almost singing voice.

"Oh, cut the crap Carol." He stared at her with swollen and blood shot eyes. Tears running down his cheeks. "Aaron told me you went all Lara Croft on him. You know I'm not talking about him. You know I mean Daryl".

Silence. Her heart raced. He _knew_, and she had a stone in her throat. She couldn't talk.


	8. Chapter 8

**"Everything is falling, dear  
All rhyme and reason gone  
It's just history repeating itself  
And, babe, you turn me on**

**Like an idea  
Like an Atom bomb"**

**Nick Cave – Babe you turn me on**

Aaron and Daryl approached Alexandria's main gate with a pregnant woman by their side.

They arrived in the middle of the night. Sasha spotted them from the tower and right away spread the word. It was Michonne's watch, but she didn't hesitate in waking Rick up, so that he could determinate what was to be done regarding their company. No one was quite sure on what the procedures would be now, since Deanna probably was not up to film making nowadays.

The newcomer was sent to Maggie's, who tried to hide her hysteria when she saw the woman's protuberant belly. She took her in, and made arrangements for her to stay at the clinic under a discrete watch.

Aaron told Daryl that he could stay at his place for the night. In the garage, the backyard or inside the house: whatever choice he made, he would be most welcomed. They were exhausted, but Aaron couldn't hide the biggest smile just thinking about getting to Eric and hug him until his bones hurt. Daryl was scowling, but accepted Aaron's offer. He would keep quiet and camp in the back of their house.

Still, Aaron convinced him to come inside so he could eat a proper meal and clean up. After entering the room silently, so that they wouldn't wake Eric up, they gaped at the personification of the odd couple displayed in the most unusual manner right in front of their eyes.

There she was, Carol, sleeping like the dead (well… the dead from before anyway), curled on the sofa, arms wrapped around herself, only wearing one of Aaron's oversized flannel shirt, head laying on Eric's lap.

Eric sat, wearing his full cotton PJ's, his broken ankle resting on a supporting burlap bench, his head thrown back, completely laying on the back of the couch and his hand on Carol's head as if he had fallen asleep while caressing her hair.

On top of the coffee table in front of them, four bottles of wine rested opened and empty, among wine glasses, soup bowls, and creased candy wrappers.

"What the fuck happened here?" Daryl mumbled without taking his eyes off Carol´s bare milky smooth thighs. He felt like his head was going to explode with jealousy. Not because he thought that Eric seduced Carol. That would be a laugh… But because he knew that she would never allow anyone to accidently find her laying her head on _his_ lap.

Aaron held Daryl's arms, as if he thought that he was going to make a run to the sofa and hit Eric. "Look at them, they look so cute… I'll take Eric to our bedroom. Can you take Carol to the extra room upstairs? There's a comfortable bed and she can stay for the night."

Daryl rolled his eyes and in one swift move grabbed Carol's arm, ducked his head and threw her over his shoulder.

She woke up not knowing what was happening to her and, as he climbed the stairs, started screaming and kicking in the air. He tightened his grip around her hips and carried on as if her punching on his back didn't make any difference.

"Shut up stupid girl!" Daryl hissed as he threw her on the bed. "What? When…? What's wrong with you? You scared me to death!" She said as she regained balance from the stumble and launched herself into his arms, hugging him with all her might.

"What's wrong with you? How could you do this to me?" as she stepped back, she closed her fists in anger and kept them alongside her body. "You never stay away this long… How could you do this to me?" Her voice at first low and deep, raised and trembled as she spoke.

"I know. I just didn't want to come back…" he replied staring at the floor like he was a boy being scolded for not doing his homework.

She didn't know if she should hit him or hug him, her head was breaking the barrier of sound with all the speeding thoughts. She shut herself down and hugged him again. "I'm so glad that you're back. I was so afraid that you wouldn't."

They were hugging and then they were kissing, as if it was their usual ritual, like they had been doing it for the longest time.

Her hands in his hair pushing him into her mouth, his hands grabbing her hips, her legs tangled in his. He ripped her shirt open and grabbed her breasts hungrily, he had to feel them, lick them, suck, bite. She lost all track of reality with his delight.

They moved quickly, nervously, eager of one another. He had sweat and dirt all over him, but she felt an uncontrollable wetness between her thighs as she inhaled his scent while kissing and biting his neck.

She felt the need to taste his skin so, taking his shirt off, she licked, sucked and bit is shoulders, his chest, his nipples. She couldn't help it, leaving marks on his skin like a teenager giving a hickey to her boyfriend, something that, by the way, she had never experienced before. Her inner thigh's muscles flexed as he cussed in response.

He felt her in his hand. His palm against her mound, his fingers inside her warm dampness. Somewhere he knew it belonged to him. He pushed her against the edge of the bed, undid his trousers, and while entering her, he pulled her left leg up by the back of her knee, opening her to him, wide, and wider until he had her leg over his shoulder. With each thrust he felt that he was sinking deeper and deeper into her. With hard, long deep thrusts, he looked into her eyes, while taking in her heavy breaths.

She briefly felt self-conscious: there she was, flat on her back, with her leg up in the air, moaning like a trollop. I was the best feeling she had ever had in her life.

When she dig her nails into his nape, and pulled his hair, he knew it would soon be over. He didn't want to. He wanted this to last forever. He stopped thrusting, he just kept himself pressed into her, feeling her core, her inside, her dark delicious place. And then he felt her tighten around him and he let it go. He came inside her, and he came, and he came, and he came…

After that, they felt sated. He laid on top of her, still connected and she felt breathless carrying his weight. It was the most wondrous feeling, having him inside her and heavy on her chest after making love.

"I love you, please don't leave me again Daryl".

"You were the one who left me". And he realized it was the second time he had said this to someone he loved.


	9. Chapter 9

**They say it fades if you let it  
Love was made to forget it  
I carved your name across my eyelids  
You pray for rain, I pray for blindness**

**The crown of love – Arcade Fire**

After Daryl saw it in Carol's eyes, the real _her_ being taken over this other her that gave a damn to what other people thought, he left her without a word. He felt the sweet blow of rejection like a wakeup call, the moment she retracted from him in the middle of that street, worried that someone might be watching them touch hands.

What the fuck? Was she ashamed of him? There was nothing to be ashamed of, he was as fucking good as any of those tight asses she made friends with. Even better than them. Fucking useless people, sat around all day doing nothing. Wouldn't know how to tie their own shoes if their lives depended on it.

He went to Aaron's and told him that they had to leave, or else he would leave alone. Damn the whole lot of them.

Aaron felt his nervousness, but the truth is that Rick had already had a talk with him about how Deanna thought that now it would be a good time to scout for another doctor. Rick even knew where they could try to recruit one, and maybe some other useful residents. It would be hard, because they had been invited to join Rick once and they chose to stay, but he had told him that the ones who stayed behind were just people who got trapped in a bad situation once, being that the 'situation' had already been taken care of.

Rick didn't give Aaron the details of what had happened there, but when he suggested that their assigned trip was to go to Grady Memorial Hospital in Atlanta, Daryl went ballistic. "He what? I ain't never gonna be back there n' if I do, I'll set fire to the place with all o' them inside. All of them you hear?" He screamed defiantly pointing his finger at Aaron's face and pacing back and forth as if warming up for a boxing match. "What the fuck is wrong with Rick? What the fuck? He's gone nuts in that shitty head of his!"

There was a tiny brief moment that Aaron thought he had seen tears prickling on Daryl's eyes as he continued to yell at the walls and at him. After a while, Aaron and Eric decided that he was going to take Daryl out of Alexandria for a day, explore the area around the Safe Zone, just to give the man something else to do other than shouting and throwing stuff around. He clearly needed to blow off some steam. After promising Daryl that they would never set foot at the hospital, he quickly made arrangements to leave, never even bothering to get back at Rick.

As soon as Daryl took the lead leaving Alexandria, bike loaded with supplies and weapons, Aaron, driving his car behind him, knew that maybe they might be staying out for more than one day. They drove northwest silently and slowly, avoiding all the main roads, for hours.

The sun was setting and Aaron thought that it would be better to get off the vehicles and look for somewhere to spend the night, but every time Aaron tried to stop, Daryl kept on going, didn't even look back. If Aaron hit the gas in order to reach Daryl's side, he accelerated even more, so that he wouldn't be caught. It was helpless. It took Aaron a lot of patience and self-control not to freak out.

Finally Daryl stopped. They were passing by a small town and had to be careful not to get unwanted attention and they also needed to refuel. "Daryl what's with you? I know you're upset with Rick about that Hospital thing, but stop, please! You have to get yourself together or else we're going to be killed here…"

Daryl ignored him. He was feeding on the rage he felt about Rick ever considering going back to the place that Beth was killed, but that was the cover to an even deeper feeling: the feeling on not being loved back, or not being loved back enough. Carol had hurt him like he didn't knew it was possible.

They headed to a gas station, gas cans in each hand, crossbow and shotgun strapped on each back, and Daryl didn't say a word. Looked him in the eyes with contempt and kept walking.

There were three roamers approaching, and while Aaron put his cans down and took his knife from his belt in order to take care of business, Daryl took three quick deep breaths, preparing himself for battle, and not letting the gas cans down, made an impressive sequence of movements: impaled the head of one geek with the can's spout, threw the other one to the ground and crushed it's head with the container's corner, and bashed the third one violently on the upper body with both cans, one at the time, until his head was crushed.

And then he carried on to the gas station as if nothing had just happened. Aaron just stood there, knife in his hand, dumbfounded.

The next morning, Daryl was ready to repeat the traveling process. He felt outworn, and empty. "Now we continue".

"'Now we continue'? That's it? That's all you have to say to me? What are you, some Indian Chief?" Aaron talked, but didn't receive any reply, as usual. He was clueless on what to do. He knew he could just turn around and leave, but he didn't.

After four days of driving around aimlessly he started to worry that Eric was alone and maybe thinking the worse had happened to them. And he was sure that Little Miss Kung-Fu-Extraordinaire just might be worrying about Daryl too (he thought as himself to be very perceptive with all matters related to love).

Furthermore, he realized he considered him to be a friend, and good friends support one another. So patiently, Aaron decided to go along with it.

A week went by, but to Daryl it might as well been a day. This trip seemed to him a continuum of uninterrupted space and time. But the further they got from Alexandria, the better Daryl controlled his anger.

That night they would camp in the woods. The town nearby was crawling with walkers and they were short on supplies. For the first time he allowed himself to feel something else other than hate and angst. He felt grateful for Aaron. He didn't give up on him, and he knew he was being a mean son of a bitch.

After a while hunting, he came back to camp with some different types of small game and handed Aaron a rabbit. A small apologetic gesture represented by a peace offering. Aaron smirked and patted his back but he didn't dare to initiate a conversation of any sort, especially suggesting for them to go back. He didn't want to reverse what appeared to be a healing process for Daryl.

After they took turns resting during the quiet night they prepared some powdered milk they had found a few days before in order to get on the move again. Daryl look rested and peaceful, although his typical scowl never left his face. "Sooooo, you good?" Aaron asked. Daryl looked deep into Aaron's eyes before speaking. "Yeah. I'm good" he answered with a final determination. "Sooooo, no more 'now we continue'?" Daryl looked up at the sky at a pair of Sandhill cranes that flew away, instinctively following their migratory route.

Before Daryl could answer they heard a voice, too close to them, a warm female voice, almost crooning "Well, hello boys…"

They found her in the woods near Cave Springs. Actually, she found them. Her name was Valeria.


	10. Chapter 10

**"So take a deep breath, **

**pick yourself up, **

**dust yourself off, **

**and start all over again"**

**Frank Sinatra - Pick yourself up**

They both jumped while reaching for their weapons, and stared at the woman. The first thing they noticed was that she was beautiful. Long dark thick curls cascading down her back. She wore a scarf tied in a knot that perfectly framed her beautiful face: black almond-shaped eyes surrounded by luscious eyelashes and plump cherry lips formed a wide smile that revealed perfectly aligned white teeth. She wore ragged jeans, flip flop slippers and a short tank top revealing her olive skin. But what was most amazing was that she held between her hands her dilated naked stomach which most certainly contained a baby.

The swing of her hips as she walked towards them made her look like an apparition in the woods. "Oh please, don't look so threatening… I should be more afraid of you than you of me, no?" she said as she waved her bare hands showing them that she had no weapons, at least none that they could see.

"My name is Valeria, and I am alone. I can promise you that, because I never lie." Her voiced gained a very formal tone when she spoke, and one could barely notice her Italian accent except when she said her name.

"And the father?" Aaron asked still standing guard, looking at her and all around to see if anyone else was lurking. His pride obviously hurt… how could he not have heard her approach their camp?

"He is not around."

"Oh yeah? What happened to him? Ran when he found out he was gonna be a daddy?" Daryl asked nonchalantly keeping his finger on the trigger and looking at her through the sight of his crossbow.

"I killed him on the day he raped me. Waited for him to go to sleep and slit his throat." She said as she mimicked the gesture with her index finger on her neck. She reminded Daryl of a man he once saw in a fair when he was a kid, he was dressed as a pirate and read stories to children (although, she looked nothing like a man).

They looked at each other from the corner of their eyes and Aaron put down his shotgun. Daryl kept aiming at her: the day would come when a woman would distract him just by being pretty and helpless.

"What do you want from us?" Aaron asked not being able to hide his puzzlement.

"Well, I originally come from Sicily, but I assume that this is not what you want to know", she said with a warm open smile. "I lived in Rome, and no, the irony is not lost on me, worked at a Quick Stop on Maple Avenue. My family was killed during the first days of the outbreak. I almost didn't get away, but a couple was kind enough to take me with them to their refuge. They were survivalists, you know, those people who prepare themselves for the end of the world." She had irony in her smile. "They had an underground bunker hidden in the forest where we stayed for a long time. We became a family. "She paused in order to catch her breath, and then continued. "Anyway, one day we were attacked by a man passing by. He killed Ginny and Mike, but decided to keep me, and the rest you already know".

Daryl, still aiming at her, said "So? Why would I care about you bullshit story? Better go back to that bunker of yours fast."

Aaron made a soft gesture to Daryl as if asking him to take it down a notch, but Daryl ignored him.

"As you may have already noticed, I am with child. No one comes by these parts of the woods and each day that passes I grow more terrified of being alone. I spotted you a few days ago and have been following you. I have the feeling that you are good and I am never wrong about people." She paused and gazed at them absorbing their reaction to her words.

"I was hoping that I could join you… I know you think that I may be a burden, but I have something to offer in exchange of your company".

Aaron's cheeks became red at her 'offer' and chuckled. Daryl glared at him.

"It's not what you're thinking" she said rolling her eyes, "although it would be very nice to find a companion in life, someone to raise Salvatore with me, and protect us from the _morto vivente_, but I'm sure that that is a task that neither one of you could perform".

Aaron looked surprised and felt another sting in his pride "why not?" Daryl gave him the 'what the hell…' look. He didn't felt comfortable in this situation, he just wanted the woman to go away so they could leave.

"Well, because you are clearly so in love…" Daryl burst into a coughing fit and Aaron couldn't help escaping a muffled laugh. "Oh come on boys, I'm better than that… I didn't say you were in love with each other, although I have some doubts on whether your woman is still alive, I can't read anything about it in your face" she pointed at Daryl narrowing her eyes.

"What the fuck? Are you trying to scare us with that bullshit witch stuff?" Daryl hissed raising his crossbow and reaffirming his aim.

"No, I am just very good at reading people. It's a blessing and a curse". She paused again. "What I have to offer you is my skill. I know everything there is to know about plants, herbs, resin, essential oils… It's something that has been passed on generation to generation in my family. We come… came… from a long line of _guaritori_, healers that is. If you have eczema, diarrhea, headache, if you need a sedative or to disinfect a wound, soften your skin or improve your sex drive, I can help."

"Too bad you didn't have the right plant to take that baby off your belly" Daryl teased with a mean look on his eyes.

"Actually I do. I do have that herb"´. She said, her eyes saddening while she caressed her stomach.

"Daryl, I think we were scouted" Aaron said. He could think of so many questions to ask her, he found her to be the most interesting creature.

After this unusual start, she slowly grew on them and ended up sticking around. They went back to her bunker and took some interesting items with them, including a couple of duffel bag full of plants and roots that she took from a garden she kept nearby, and containers with a variety of powders and oils.

After a few days they almost saw her as their travelling partner, and not someone to keep an eye on all the time. She talked a lot, like a natural born story teller. Daryl thought she was annoying most of the time, but kept listening when she talked about her survival techniques. He knew so much about the wilderness, but she knew more, and from a different perspective.

That kept Daryl distracted and calm, so when Aaron suggested that they should go back, Daryl didn't say no to him, and so he decided to tell her about Alexandria.


	11. Chapter 11

**XI**

**"This is the town I'm living in  
This is the street I'm walking down  
These are the friends I'm visiting  
These are the clothes I'm wearing now  
This is the house I'm building here  
This is the girl I'm marrying  
This is the chord I'm strumming now  
This is the faith I'm leaning on  
This is the child I'm bearing now  
This is the love that I've always had"**

**Hard Drive – B. Lee**

Carol opened her eyes slowly. The bright light of the sun that came through the window almost dazzled her. She tried to remember where she was, and as she regained her conscience she realized that she was not in her usual bed. But, what was her usual bed agasin? She had the answer right under her tongue, but didn't quite seem to grasp it… And little by little it dawned on her… his warmth, his piercing eyes, his mouth on hers, his breath on the crook of her neck.

She remembered being woken up sometime during the night feeling him pressed against her back, the rough skin of his hands on her naked hips pulling her to him. He grabbed her hesitantly, but then, wanting her, needing her.

«Daryl! He came back! » that was the first complete sentence that she could form in her brain even before she could open her eyes completely. She stood up in a haste, and looked around to find an empty bed. Disappointment. Relief.

She quickly dressed Aaron's flannel shirt and her panties, and tried to remember where the rest of her clothes were. She quietly went down the stairs and tiptoeing across the living room, took her clothes, put on her slacks in a haste, and with her shoes in her hands headed to the kitchen's door.

"Hello sunshine! No need for the walk of shame here…" Aaron said teasingly.

Carol stopped, straightened her back and turned to face him. "Aaron, you came back! I'm so glad you returned safely" she said politely.

"Yes, yes we did." He was leaning against the door frame of the bedroom and he had been observing her for a while.

"I'm sorry for disturbing you, I didn't want to wake Eric up. He was feeling unwell yesterday, so I kept him company for a while and ended up dozing off."

"Well, that's the understatement of the year… being that it's already noon… among other things…" Aaron continued. She stared at him with hard cold threatening eyes for a few moments, and as she opened her mouth to talk, he moved towards her and held her hands between his. "Carol, I have to thank you for what you did for Eric. Honestly, I think that no one here has been so kind to us as you were yesterday. You don't have to say anything, your secret is safe with us. Please take your time to dress yourself, and if you want, take a shower, and eat breakfast before you go."

He looked at her with hope that she would lose her mask, but she kept still for a while, and her only words were "Thank you".

Aaron probably thought that she felt ashamed but she didn't care about what he thought. She wasn't ashamed, she was on a mission. It looked that somehow she gained his trust, but she must be alert. She must be careful. Eric caught her off guard the night before, and they ended up comforting each other, and now, she gained some kind of companionship form them. Maybe she didn't mess it up that bad after all.

And then there was _him_. And _he_ had returned to her safe arms. The man she had begun to love since her mind freed itself from the fear that her former life fettered her with. No, she was not ashamed, she was consumed by him, and she knew, that because of this, she had a blind spot. She had always have it, only now it was stronger.

She left Aaron's and went straight to her house. She was late for her assigned tasks, so she would have to focus and work fast. When she finally had time for a break, she felt alone for the first time since Ed had died.

"Hi Carol!" She heard Rick call her just as she was climbing the steps of the main entrance of her house. "Rick…" she answered hesitantly. "Do you want to come in for coffee?" It had been a while since they didn't talk privately, and this seemed to be a good timing.

"Yeah, I do" he said gazing at her. They came in, Carol served two cups of fresh coffee and they settled on the high stools at the kitchen island.

"So, any news?" she asked. "Yeah, kind of… The girl that Aaron and Daryl brought yesterday… If she turns out to be OK she might be very valuable to our community" Rick answered.

She couldn't help noticing that he was tense and looked extremely tired.

"What girl?" Carol asked narrowing her eyes. She had been so involved in her tasks and concentrated in her own thoughts that, that she missed any other conversations that the people she met during the day were having.

"She knows things… she knows how to make medicine with plants. She has been organizing some sort of garden and greenhouse near the Monroe's place, so she can have her working materials. She already helped treating Tara and Eric this morning, and apparently, their condition improved… you know, less pain, better movement of their limbs."

He paused. He passed his mug nervously from hand to hand "But she's pregnant". Carol understood now. Everything he went through with Lori… things that needn't be remembered.

"Well, If Aaron and Daryl brought her, she must be OK", she smiled and put her hand on his. "We just need to keep an eye on her until we trust her".

"Jessie won't speak to me… Since…" and he stopped. "I guess I thought that somehow, I would help her, and she would feel safe with me, a mother to Judith and Carl… I don't know what I was thinking".

"Rick, you saved her, never doubt that. You did what had to be done. You saved her life and Sam's, because she wouldn't have made it by herself. She just hasn't realized it yet. Give her some time."

They just sat for a while in silence, drinking their coffee and enjoying a moment of peace.

"Thank you Carol" he held her hand between his "you've been a good friend in spite of everything you went through. I have to get back to Michonne. We are making arrangements to move the armory to a safer place… We still don't have a clue on who's been taking weapons. Some people are suggesting that Daryl did It… fools I know." He hurried to add when he saw Carol's transfigured expression. "Anyway, I've been trying to convince him to keep his crossbow at the armory, at least until things cool down".

"Well, that just won't do. You tell them to take their torches and pitchforks and shove them… somewhere else" she said, her heart beating fast, pulse pounding in her temples.

Rick ended the conversation and said his goodbyes, but she was tuned in another frequency now. She just wanted to go out there and slap in the face whoever thought that Daryl was capable of stealing anything.

«Blind spot, see? » Carol thought. She decided to have some tea, relax, and go to bed early. Her bed. Tonight she wouldn't sleep so profoundly like the night before. The bed kept singing the blues to the lack of his physical presence next to her.


	12. Chapter 12

**"It's a different day everyday  
Don't want you to walk alone  
But how long can we carry on?  
When all of these things have gone"**

**Promises – Badly Drawn Boy**

Father Gabriel had regained his Faith. Or at least he had to, because now he had no excuse not to believe. He needed a miracle in order to recover the feeling of God in his heart, and Hannah was his miracle.

She didn't remember anything about her life except for her name, but she remembered the Sacred Scriptures by heart, and she could recite them for hours.

She and Sam were always together. She barely spoke to anyone except for the boy, and as they grew closer, the less she interacted with people. He spoke for her, as if he was her permanent interpreter.

One day, Sam was following her around, as usual, and she was drawn to the church where she found the priest with the Holy Bible in his hands. Without any introduction she took the book, closed in her hands, and she started to reproduce it word by word. She couldn't explain why or how she did that.

Looking into her angelic eyes, while she said the Sacred Words with the voice of the innocent, Father Gabriel saw a sign.

There is no doubt that signs are everywhere to be seen, the only trouble is the mind that interprets them. The priest saw a sign that read that he should become the spiritual leader of Alexandria, and he should show them that His words prevailed, even after He punished all human kind with the plague.

And so, little by little, people started going to church.

To Jessie, everything was starting to come into place. She had sinned, was punished in return, and now, she and her son took in Hannah, who turned out to be special, holy, and they had to protect her. So, she didn't mind Sam spending his whole days around Hannah, who was starting to depend on him to communicate with the world.

All this was happening under Rick's nose and he didn't care for it, not one bit. But he wanted to rebuild. Not only the walls around them, but a functional society, and he couldn't prevent people in a society from having their spirituality. He also couldn't prevent Jessie to follow her path, he was nothing to her. He once made her a promise and he kept it, not only for her, but also for him. He wouldn't have done things differently even if he knew in advance that Jessie would slip away… well, maybe he wouldn't have shot Pete point blank right in front of her and the whole town; he would have done it somewhere else.

Something had told him he shouldn't have let Hannah in. He had the gut feeling that she would be trouble, although, none of this was really her fault. On the other hand, Val was proving to be a great addition to the group. The question was: which group? His or Alexandria's? Because for sure there was still a difference.

Her apparent honesty was refreshing. She reached most of the people with her ability to tell a tale. To her, everything had a story to be told, something to be noticed. Rick asked her the three questions, to which she answered quickly without having time to think how to formulate the most convenient answer. That gave Rick the feeling that she was telling the truth:" I don't know, lost count", "One" and "Because he killed my family and raped me". Those where her quick replies. Yes, she was strong and courageous. Did what she had to do to survive… Maybe she would be a part of his group, Rick decided.

He had told her to use the greenhouse and the small public garden that was near the Monroe's property in order to plant her roots and recreate her working process to whatever she did. He didn't know much about medicinal herbs, but he saw her treating Tara. She had a very careful process, she slow burned some plants that released some aromatized smoke, she disinfected the wound with some mixture of freshly grounded herbs, and she carefully massaged her whole body several times using different kinds of oils, or so it seemed to him.

Every day, twice a day, she visited Tara and Eric and she repeated this long ritual, accompanied with lots of detailed explanations of exactly what she was doing, the story of how she learned to do it, the story of the people she had already done it to, or some other story that just crossed her mind at the time.

The rest of the day, she spent it mostly with Daryl. He was helping her to set up the garden, the greenhouse, and a working place where she could conveniently storage and process her raw material into oil, tincture, cream, powder… there was much work to be done.

Daryl liked being with her. He wouldn't dare to ask Aaron to leave again so soon, and he didn't want to leave alone: he knew _she_ wouldn't be OK with that, and he didn't want to hurt her. And so, being with Val provided a useful distraction that kept him from wanting to leave Alexandria all the time.

He worked a lot on his motorbike and his weapons, it kept him focused, but also, it made him think. When he lost himself in his own meditation he would remember. Sophia. Dale. Hershel. Merle. Beth. They all meant so much to him in different ways, they all taught him something, and it was so hard to overcome their deaths. Almost impossible.

Carol was his anchor, but he felt that although they were physically closer, their minds were drifting apart. Everything they went through and the intimacy they shared was overwhelming, like an uncontrolled explosion. Blown to smithereens. If he could choose, he would leave this place, and take her with him, she was all he would ever need. But why would she go with him? She wanted more than just him, or even worse, she wanted a different _him_ who would dress khakis and help the neighbors to build white picket fences. He almost heaved imagining it.

That is why he left her bed before she woke up that morning. Why stay and chat, when he knew that she would want to deliberately hide the fact that they had spent the night together? And he knew he would be hurt again.

"Hey, Daryl, you know that I have something for that… Ground Ivy is wonderful for digestive disorder. So simple right?"

Her voice brought him again to the garden where they were working. He was preparing several vases aligned by one of the greenhouse's walls so that she wouldn't have to carry any weight and could continue to plant the roots she had carried in her duffel bag, the one brought form her former home.

He didn't answer. He didn't have to. He knew that if he kept quiet, she would just keep talking and he would listen.


	13. Chapter 13

**XIII**

**"So show me family  
All the blood that I will bleed  
I don't know where I belong  
I don't know where I went wrong  
But I can write a song"**

**Ho Hey – The Lumineers**

Daryl woke up in a fright. He could have sworn that he heard her call his name… actually, whisper his name… He could have sworn that her mouth had lazily traveled through his body, sucking fiercely when it reached his throat. For sure, it was real, he felt her on top of him, naked, her head thrown back exposing her beautiful firm breasts, and for a second he thought she lifted her head to look at him, ice blue eyes, and laugh while she rode him. She was happy.

"Fuck!" Daryl growled. He had slept on his blanket, at Eric and Aaron's garage, and he woke up with his heart pounding like it wanted to find a new address. He got up, took a piss near a tree, reached for his crossbow that he kept attached to the bike. «Fuck Rick» he thought to himself when he remembered that he had been told to keep it in the armory. He strapped it to his back and marched to the main gate of Alexandria, always breathing deeply and rhythmically.

When he carefully closed the gate, waved to Sasha up at the tower, and ran to the woods. He ran, and ran, and ran until he was able to shake her from his head for just a moment. He then stopped and quieted, loaded his weapon and sat still in order to listen to movement. And that was all he focused on. There was only him and the sun making its first appearance through the trees, the rustling of the leaves blowing in the wind, the flapping of the wings of a humming bird taking off, the grinding sound of squirrels eating nuts. Hunt. Be patient. Be calm. Stalk. Aim at the head. Shoot.

He did it over and over again until he felt recomposed. «Better than taking a cold shower» he thought ironically to himself when he packed his things in order to go back.

After he returned to the garage, he took his time with his game. Skinning, gutting, washing and breaking down the squirrel meat. He took everything to the refrigerator at the pantry, and then he went to meet Val. On this day, he knew he couldn't have a dull moment.

He found her sitting on the steps of a front porch with a collection of branches and thread, trying to figure out how she would set a trap.

Daryl sat next to her interested. "Daryl, hello! There's a rabbit that has been visiting my garden, I'm going to catch it and eat it. Yes, I'm making myself a crockpot of rosemary rabbit and tomato, am I not lucky?" She said proudly, showing him all her teeth through her big warm smile.

"Here, you're not doing it right." He took the thread from her hands and as he handled it, he felt her stare at him. "So, how long until the baby's born?" Daryl asked awkwardly. He avoided making questions about the baby (or questions at all), because he thought that it might bring her some bad memories. But he figured that it would be nice that he asked a question for once, instead of her doing all the voluntary talk.

"At least a month I guess, maybe longer" and she stopped what she was doing for a moment, took his hand and put it in her belly. "See? He likes you! Salvatore is just like his mamma, can tell if people are good or bad, and he can tell that you are a good man".

Daryl blushed and removed his hand timidly. "Daryl, Daryl… I still don't know if she is dead or just missing." He looked at her puzzled. "Your woman, I still haven't figure it out, and this is very unusual to me. But I can tell that she's a very lucky lady" she said smiling.

He was about to roll his eyes and he spotted Carol from across the street. She was wearing a white sundress, almost the same color as her skin. She had her knees covered, but the backlight allowed him to see the contour of her legs. She was leaning against a street pole, she had an empty shopping trolley at her side, and she caressed her flat stomach with both her hands.

She didn't even notice he was looking her way. She didn't even noticed that he was ogling at the outline of her body through her dress. She was staring in their direction and into the void, not even blinking.

When she came to her, she quickly grabbed her trolley and took off.

She saw Daryl and the pregnant woman. Although she didn't hear what they were saying, she saw the brightness in his eyes. She saw him like he was supposed to be. He was a man in the real sense of the word. He would be the best father ever, maybe the best father to that woman's baby.

Even if the world would be freed of walkers the next day, she would never be able to give him that.

When she prepared to close the door behind her, Daryl suddenly grabbed the knob and came in.

He was breathing hard, and he took her startled face between his hands. His mouth was close to hers, but he didn't kiss her. "What do you want from me Carol?" He grunted. "What do you want me to do?" She didn't know what to say, he looked distraught, and she was preparing to come to the house to lick her wounds, not to be confronted. She didn't answer him though, because she knew that he didn't need an answer right then. He needed to unburden his soul.

He walked to the dinner table dragging her by the wrist, turned her over and bent her, face down. Took her hips, and pressed his crotch on her behind, letting her feel his hardness nested between her buttocks.

"This what you want? Good n' hard?" he said defiantly and nervously, raising his voice. "How many times a day? Twice is good for you?" She didn't know what to say, but in her mind and in between her legs, she knew that yes, this is what she wanted. She wanted to feel him moving in her, she wanted to feel his passion and his love, but right now she wanted him to have her the way he needed.

"Want me to come over when nobody's watchin', that it? And then the next day pretend it never happened?" He lifted the hem of her dress and ripped her panties. "That it Carol? Do you want me to come over while you're makin' some of them pies? "Undid his trousers and rammed into her. She gasped and a moan escaped her throat. "Is this what you want?" and he rammed again until he reached her deeper than before.

"Yes Daryl, this is what I want" and he rammed again. She lifted her body from the table so that she could turn around and face him. He stepped away immediately. "I want to feel you inside me all day long" she said pulling him back to her, breathing on his lips "I want to feel you in here" she took his left hand and placed it between her legs". The feeling of him touching her was beautiful "and in here" and she took his right hand and put it over her heart. He could feel its powerful beating through her clothes.

They kissed passionately. Daryl lifted her so that she could wrap her legs around him, put her down on the table and leaned over her, supporting himself with one hand on the surface, the other grabbing her buttocks as he drove into her again and again until all thoughts were lost and they stopped breathing as they came together.

"Daryl, please stay with me tonight, don't leave."


	14. Chapter 14

**XIV**

**"Mama told me when I was young  
Come sit beside me, my only son  
And listen closely to what I say.  
And if you do this  
It will help you some sunny day.**

**Take your time... Don't live too fast,  
Troubles will come and they will pass.  
Go find a woman and you'll find love,  
And don't forget son,  
There is someone up above."**

Simple man – Lynyrd Skynyrd

"I'll stay" Daryl said resting his forehead on her chest. He wasn't even sure why he answered her, so quickly. He only knew that wherever she was, that's where he wanted to be.

He had never had anything to call his own in all his life. Never had felt the love of a woman. One of his first recollections, from when he was four or five years old, was being sat on his mother's bedroom floor, watching her while she dressed herself, did her hair and put on her makeup, always with a cigarette on the corner of her mouth. She did it so carefully and methodically that it amazed him.

He then imagined her taking care of him with the same dedication. He imagined her in the morning, waking him up with her soft voice, choosing his clothes, helping him dress, combing his hair. His fantasy varied: she sometimes patted his head after combing his hair, other times, she kissed him on the cheek after tying his shoes, and sometimes he just sat under the kitchen table, playing with toys, as he watched her bare feet moving around while she cooked for him.

Of course, that never happened but in his mind. And so, the fantasy started to vanish, little by little until there was nothing left, no connection. He didn't even shed a tear when she died during that fire, it was like he was hearing about something that had happened to some distant relative, who he couldn't really relate to.

After he met the group and later chose them over Merle, he realized that that was the closest he could get to being part of a real family. He realized that he would give, but he would also take. But even then, he never let his guard completely down, except for Carol. In the midst of everything that happened she was the one who gave him more, and everything.

"Carol, I have nothing." She tried to shush him, but he got up, pulled her by the hands, and led her to the couch on the sitting area. They sat facing each other and he held her hands in his. "I have nothin' and I'm nothin'. Nothin' like what you deserve to have for a man anyway. But what I have it's yours. I know that I don't need to say this, I know that you know it..." He looked down giving up on his train of thought, but she squeezed his hands and didn't let go.

"Daryl Dixon, what a real poet you are becoming!" she said cocking her head and smirking. "Are you telling me that you love me?" she said with an exaggerated expression of puzzlement in her face.

He stopped for a moment as if realizing it to himself that yes, that is what he wanted to tell her. "I do, I do love you… realized it since the day I saw you takin' that grenade out of your bag so Rick could blow up the CDC window" he chuckled, "but I may have fallen for you even before", and he looked her directly in the eyes, as if remembering the early moments they shared together, when everything was out of control, and they didn't know what to expect from each other.

A shadow suddenly crossed her face "Daryl, you don't have to attach yourself to me because of your sense of loyalty. I know that you have one and it's so intense in that head of yours… We shared so much, but you don't owe me anything. You don't!" She paused as she watched him shake his head slowly. "There are things I can't give you… things that you deserve to have" she continued.

"What do you mean, like a fast car?" he said roughly. He didn't like where this was going.

"No, things like… a baby… Even if we tried, I mean, after Sophia, the doctors said…" He interrupted her awkward speech crudely "what the hell do I need a baby for Carol?" She laughed relieved with his answer, and realizing the stupidity of her words "I'll be your baby then" she said pouting.

"Shut up" he said with an embarrassed look on his face. "Make me…" she replied grinning.

This is what he wanted. He wanted her back. He held her close and they stayed that way for the longest time, until he laid on the couch with her on top of him wrapped around his chest. As she was falling asleep, he felt her grip on his shirt and heard her mumble "don't leave".

He wouldn't. He wouldn't leave her unless she asked him to.

They woke up the next morning to someone knocking at the door, and before Carol could answer, Maggie turned the knob and let herself in. "Hey, Carol! Are you here? Rick wants to talk to the group…" And she stopped mid-sentence, when she saw Carol and Daryl both as red as two Fresno chili peppers, trying clumsily to recompose themselves.

Maggie beamed at them, and for a moment there, Carol thought she was going to high-five her. "What?" Carol said defiantly, to which Maggie said "Nothing! I'm just so happy for you!"

They just stood there the three of them, not knowing what to say, and Maggie broke the silence not being able to hide her joyous smile "Well, as I was saying, Rick wants to talk to the group, and he asked me to come and get you… and also ask you if you saw Daryl…" she looked at Carol and then at Daryl "who is obviously here…"

"Yeah, tell him we'll be right over" and with that, Daryl turned away, dismissing her. Maggie had no ready reply, so she nodded and quickly left the house.

Daryl and Carol looked at each other. She saw fear crossing his eyes, fear that she would give him the cold shoulder again, when they met with the rest of the group. She knew she had hurt him, but only now she knew how much.

And right then Carol promised to herself that she would never again hurt that man.


	15. Chapter 15

**XVI**

**"Constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating"**

**Quote from the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind**

_Valeria had a rough start in life. Her mamma told her it was time to be born but she didn't want to. Why would she? She was warm and cozy, listening to the beautiful sound of a heartbeat, eating and sleeping whenever she wanted to… So when the doctors took her from her comfortable nest, she decided that she didn't want to face the world, and she slept for three days._

_It was only when her mother let her know that if she didn't wake up she would be so sad that she wouldn't be able to breathe anymore that, she decided to meet her face to face. She was a very happy and healthy baby from that moment forward._

_Valeria didn't have a lot of friends while growing up, nor did she ever had a boyfriend. She couldn't lie, and so she always told the truth. That is not a very popular trait if your friend asks if you think she'll ever get married to the team captain, or if your teacher asks why you didn't do your homework. She soon understood that people like to be lied to, and so, for a very long time, until she didn't care anymore, she learned to keep quiet most of the time._

_As if that wasn't enough, she was different in another way. She didn't understand that it was not 'normal' until boys started to ask her to go on dates. To her, people communicated not only trough verbal and body language. People communicated through every little part of their beings, from their shoelaces to the pimple on their forehead. So when a boy asked her out she would see it coming at a distance, and either she ruined it by taking the first step, or she would tell them not to even bother because bad intentions were seen in advance._

_Still, she never stopped dreaming that she would find 'the one', a man who wouldn't be scared of her and who, more than being flawless, recognized his flaws with honesty._

_Her mother and her grandmother were her escape. She spent hours with them learning everything there was to know about herbal medicine and the traditional ways of healing. She never took an aspirin in her life._

_Although she never made a living out of her abilities, she often would help people who came for her in need. She always saw the good side of everyone. Even of the man she killed – the good side of him was inside her, as he left her with the most precious gift a woman could have._

_When she met Aaron and Daryl she knew that she had to come to Alexandria with them, for her and for her baby. She saw right away their honest nature, and she also knew that they were traveling with a purpose. She knew they had a safe haven to go back to._

_When she met Rick she knew that he was the man she would want by her side. Not because he was like her, but because he was strong exactly in the same spots where she was weak. But he was not ready to hear what she had to say, so she would have to wait. Maybe if someday he would see her for who she was, and not just a sheave, part of a mechanism that kept Alexandria going, she would have a chance to show him._

_In the meanwhile she would just have to bear that pain that started to bother her in her lower back, since she had woken up that day. After she set the trap for the rabbit who had been a guest in her garden for the last couple of days, the pain became almost unbearable so she went to see went to the clinic to find Maggie. Because no one was there, and because she nearly couldn't walk anymore, she just laid down in one of the infirmary beds. Waiting._

_You think you know everything there is to know about something, anything, until it comes a day when you don't and you feel lost._

All of Rick's group members who had arrived to Alexandria with him were at his assigned house, including Carl and Judith. Including Father Gabriel.

Rick had a plan. He needed to keep Father Gabriel under control, so he decided to make him feel included in the group. Keep your friends close… He also needed someone who would bring him the damn doctor from Grady or he would do it himself.

He had thought that if it was Aaron, and not him, who would talk to them, persuade them, make them see that they could live in real houses, with real beds and real neighbors, and not stuck in a building, they would come, and bring their supplies.

The real reason for all this, of course, was her, Val, she was going to die delivering that baby and he wouldn't allow it. It was his truth, and he believed in it so fiercely, that he would do anything to save her. She was too necessary for the group and for his plans to turn Alexandria into a real community.

"Thanks for coming so quickly" he said to Carol and Daryl when they arrived. "We need to talk, and it will be hard, but it's necessary". His eyes were fixed on Daryl, and he spoke slowly and softly, but his gaze was cold.

"I killed Pete. He had to die, you all know that." And as he said that, he turned to Father Gabriel, who was standing in a corner holding a Bible between his hands and with his head bowed in prayer.

"But I owe something to this community. They lost the person who assured their medical care. Our medical care, because there will be a time when we will need it ourselves. This is our breach in the wall right now, and we have to fix it".

Daryl looked at him, and he couldn't hide the rage crossing his eyes. But he kept quiet, and waited for him to say the words that he knew he would say.

"We need to go to Grady Memorial, and convince them to join Alexandria." As Rick said it, the people around him shifted and mumbled uncomfortably. Maggie turned to Glenn hiding her face on his chest, Sasha shook her head in disbelief, and Carol walked right at him and faced him.

"No" Carol said. "We can't go back there Rick".

"We have to Carol, deep down you know this" he answered, his tone unaltered.

"No we don't!" Sasha started nervously "What about that woman Val, she has knowledge. She and Maggie together make up for Pete's loss".

"It's for her, Sasha" and now his voice was rising, as he grabbed Sasha by the shoulders and talked directly to her cocking his head. "What do you think it's going to happen when one of us has to deliver that baby? What do you _think_?" he emphasized the word 'think' by touching his temple with his index finger.

"When I asked Aaron last time him and Daryl were out, I hadn't think this through. And then they found Val instead of the doctor…" he looked at Daryl and he was livid. Didn't move, didn't talk, didn't breathe.

"Wait" Carol quietly said, holding her head with her hand. "You had already asked Aaron to go? What does that mean?" she looked to Rick and Daryl confused. "Last time they were out, they went to Grady? They were out for more than two weeks and you didn't tell me they had gone there? Did anyone know?" and she looked around. No one moved.

"Carol, you more that anyone should understand this… that doctor saved your life." Rick declared.

Carol, placed herself in front of Rick, and with all her strength, she slapped him hard on the face.

Rick just stood there looking at her, didn't even budge.

"Beth saved me." And she turned and walked away from the house.


	16. Chapter 16

**XVI**

**"If you kick a stone in anger, you'll hurt your own foot."**

**Korean Proverb**

_Hannah remembered._

_She remembered everything._

_She remembered everything since the moment that she heard the word 'Alexandria'. _

_Father had once told her about it. A town he had stumbled upon during one of his trips to find food. Mother and she always stayed at the house when he was away. Quiet, in the attic, praying. She missed being quiet._

_He had told her that they had let him in, and what he had seen was impossible. He saw a town like any other town that had existed before the plague, and at first his heart was full of His joy because he had found somewhere he could take her and her mother to plant God's seeds._

_But then they sent him away. The people there told him that he could not stay, even when he said he had a wife and daughter who he needed to keep safe. And so, he understood the illusion that He had sent him in order to test him._

_God was testing his Faith. He had sent him sinners beyond salvation. The wrath of God would soon fall upon them. _

_'Do not marvel at this, for an hour is coming when all who are in the tombs will hear his voice and come out, those who have done good to the resurrection of life, and those who have done evil to the resurrection of judgment.'_

_One day, she and her parents were reading the Holy Book and saw the herd of the damned coming only too late. They tried to escape, but father and mother protected her. Kept them distracted. "Hannah run!" they had screamed at her. She can still hear them in her head. She didn't remember much more after she ran, she only remembered waking up in Alexandria. _

_Alexandria, the place where they could all be have together. Safe. If only they had let her father stay._

_Now she was inside, and she had instruments. She had people around her. Weak and pathetic. People who would do as she told them. And she had a plan. A plan of vengeance._

Carol walked away from Rick's house as fast as she could, but as her hand started to pound she had to stop and look at it. She felt an excruciating acute pain in her wrist, and the veins at the joints of her fingers were popping out in a tone of purple.

She gasped in pain as she bended and cradled her own hand in her chest. «This is good, it's good…» she kept repeating in her head as she panted because of the throbbing ache. Because as it got more intense, the less her blinding fury bothered her.

She decided to go to the pantry's freezer to get some ice… and maybe a shot of whiskey… As she was passing by the entrance, she saw Sam and Hannah giggling softly as if sharing a secret. For a moment, their eyes locked, the children quieted and she had the feeling that something was off, but couldn't quite put her finger on it.

Sam almost looked scared staring at her. He didn't greet her or talked to her. She thought that maybe he was remembering another encounter they had had in there. "It's OK, I'm just going to get ice for my hand, go play somewhere else." She tried to talk calmly, but because her wrist hurt her so much, her voice came out as a whirlpool of highs and lows. Without any reply, they ran away like two startled rabbits.

After sitting for a while on the floor of the pantry, a bag of ice and four shots of whiskey she began to feel better. A lot better. «He didn't come after me» she thought. She was going around bitch slapping group leaders, and he let her go off by herself. Well, he was his own person, she guessed he would always be, and she loved him for that. Maybe she should take the bottle and go to Eric's… that would be funny… No, she had to do her daily chores, so she made an extra effort to get up and not stumble.

She went back to the freezer and took some supplies for the meals she would make for the day and took off to her house, hoping that no one would notice that she might or might not be zigzagging along the road.

As she was walking, dragging the two wheeled shopping trolley with her left hand and trying to find her balance, Daryl caught up with her and touched her shoulder from behind.

"Hi" he said. She jumped and turned to him. He noticed she carried her hand awkwardly and before grabbing it he looked at her as if asking permission… after all they were in the middle of the street, everyone could see them, and he couldn't hide the intimacy they shared as he got closer to her.

She didn't even notice that he was hesitating, just lifted her hand "boo boo" she said frowning. "Wow, been drinkin' huh?" he said as he felt her warm and loaded breath in his face.

"How much?" he asked in a reprimanding tone. "One", she said as she lifted four fingers from her good hand, letting her trolley fall to the floor. "That's good, when you drink you're only a half-ass liar…" he said shaking his head.

"Come on, I'll take you home, lemme carry that" He said as he picked up the trolley and offered her support walking by her side with his hand on her waist.

When they reached the house he led her to the couch and took a good look at her hand, touching her carefully: fingers, wrist, arm. "You'll be OK. I'll get more ice. Have to rest your arm, though, can't be cookin' n' stuff." She just stared at him.

"Why did you go to Grady?" She asked.

"I didn't. Rick asked Aaron, but we didn't go there" she sighed in relief.

"I volunteered" he said in a low voice while keeping his eyes fixed on her hand.

"What do you mean Daryl? You volunteered? To go? Now?" He nodded and she froze, sobering up instantaneously.

"No. You can't go. Rick has no right to ask that of you. He has no right to ask that of anyone who was there that day."

"It's for Val. She's OK Carol. She can help a lot of people, she deserves to be helped in return. She helped me…"

Carol didn't know what to say. She didn't know what to feel. "Don't go… not now…" she whispered.

"We're setting up a bigger group. Abraham and Michonne are coming. They went to talk to Aaron". He still hadn't look her in the eyes.

"I'll go too then". He stood up nervously. "You jump, I jump, Jack" she half smiled and looked for his eyes. He didn't reply, because he knew he wouldn't be able to change her mind. But he quickly formulated a plan in his head: he would make sure she slept before quietly leaving in the middle of the night. He didn't want her there, in the place where she almost had died too.

"When do we leave then?" she asked.

"At dawn" he said hoping that she wouldn't see the lie in his eyes. He couldn't help feeling bad. He had never lied to her, but on the other hand, the subject did die right there.

After he compressed her wrist with a bandage and helped her to prepare and deliver the meals, they went back to her house. She knew he was babysitting her. She knew that he was afraid that she would accidentally meet Rick and loose it again. Well, he was right. If she laid eyes on Rick right then… worse than hitting him, she could say things that later she would regret.

He stayed with her. He would stay with her until it would be time to leave. They shared the remainder of that day, leisurely holding each other, kissing, talking about nothing, and making love without the rush and greediness of the former times they had been together. They took time to discover each other. Took time to whisper the promises that they had already made silently in the past.


	17. Chapter 17

** XVII**

**"And I have to speculate  
That God himself did make us  
Into corresponding shapes  
Like puzzle pieces from the clay"**

**Such great heights – Iron&amp;Wine**

After Carol left the meeting, there was silence. No one dared to speak for what it seemed to be a long time.

That was, until Daryl stepped forward and said "I'll go." He didn't want to, he didn't want to remember. But deep inside, he knew that Rick wouldn't give up on the idea of going to Grady Memorial. He also knew that if Rick decided to go himself, he would leave two kids behind. So, it might as well be him to take matters in his own hands. He would make sure the job got done.

Rick took his time to answer. His face stung from Carol's hand. It didn't hurt but it was a reminder of how much he had offended her. He knew. It was a necessary collateral damage. She would come to her senses and realize he had been right all along.

"You know this is the right thing to do." Rick said, eyes fixed on Daryl.

"I don't. But I know you'll do it anyway". Daryl said between his teeth.

"I'll go too" Abraham said. "You'll need more man power." Rick bowed his head in respect.

"I'll go with you." This time, the voice who spoke was followed by a piercing feminine wail. Glenn held Maggie's hand, whose face was transfigured with pain, and talked to her in a low voice. "It's OK… It's OK, we're gonna be back soon."

With that, Maggie left, and Glenn followed her.

"That kid's going nowhere. You two will need someone to protect your asses" This time was the determined voice of Michonne who they all heard. Her sassy remark helped clearing up the air, and they all engaged in a strategic conversation on the hows and the whens. About what they might find in Grady, and what would it take to convince them to come.

Soon after that, Father Gabriel dismissed himself and left. He hadn't spoken a word throughout the whole meeting, and barely looked at them. What Rick could see in him was a mixture of shame - the kind of mortification that didn't allow him to look someone directly in the eye - and disgust.

Daryl couldn't wait to leave too. As soon as they agreed on when they would leave he went to find Carol. He knew she would be mad at him when she found out, but he didn't feel he had any choice. He believed that Val had been through enough, and she was scared and alone. She was fighting like a wildcat so that she could have a home for her and her baby. That was the kind of will power he recognized and respected.

Being with her. It was so strange and at the same time so familiar.

She had finally let him in. He didn't do it on purpose, forcing her to accept him. He had been simply going mad without her. Before, he had not been able to cope with the fact that she had shut him out.

After Beth's death he never left the group because of _her_. He couldn't leave her, he couldn't be without her. And then Alexandria. He hated it there, but what he hated more was _her_, pretending to be someone she was not. Ignoring him, as if he degraded her.

The intimacy of physical love was not the breakthrough in their relationship. It was a natural path to what they felt and had been numb, unnecessary. Like a flower growing out of a barren stone, it had to happen. The disruption was the admission to each other that both of them were in fact one. The odd feeling that they were not alone and by themselves anymore. To Daryl, the end of the life of loneliness he once knew.

He knew he had broken her, the day he went to her house to ask her what she wanted for him. To demand for a justification of his own feelings towards her. To lash out at her for being responsible for his feeling of rejection. Since that day he knew something triggered in her. He had triggered something in her. As if she had reached her breaking point. He had seen it in her eyes as she slapped Rick.

He didn't see it in her at the present moment. The moment when they both laid naked in her bed. Her body nested in his. Her head resting on his shoulder cradled between his arm and his chest, her legs tangled in his. She drew nonsense with her index finger on his stomach and gently rubbed her foot on his. And he took it all in. The feeling of being more than a kid lost in the woods, lost in life.

For the first time since he was a child he felt scared. Scared of what his planned betrayal would mean to her. Scared that if he left, she would not be there waiting when he returned. Scared that he wouldn't return at all.

And that's why he had to have her again. He had to dive into her and swim in her essence one more time. Taste her core, and memorize its flavor in his mouth. He had to feel her breathless in his arms, the tight grip of her fingers on his shoulders and the strong wrap of her legs around him taking him, as he said her name again and again.

He didn't remember falling asleep next to her, but he woke up startled to the sound of an urgent pounding at the door. «Shit, is it already time to go? » he though, angry at himself.

He jumped off the bead and grabbed his clothes. "What is it?" Carol said. It surely wasn't dawn yet. She looked at the clock on the bedside table and it was a little past 3am. Something urgent must be going on for sure. She started to get up and dress, but Daryl said: "No. You stay."

"The hell I will!" But as she said it he was already running downstairs, dressing at the same time.

It only took a minute to reach him at the kitchen door, but when she did, Daryl and Glenn were talking in a low voice.

"What happened?" she asked.

"It's Val. She had the baby." Glenn answered still breathless. "Maggie and I have been fighting… since morning, and, well… she didn't go to the infirmary the whole day, I mean, she didn't need to. Tara is already home, so no one is there. But there was an emergency with an old lady and her husband called for Maggie, and when she went there she found Val in real pain… She told me to come and get you, Carol…"

Glenn had to talk while running after Carol and Daryl, who were already out the door racing to the clinic.

As they ran, Carol couldn't shake the feeling that Daryl had acted strangely, asking her to stay in the room, but she would have to deal with that later.


	18. Chapter 18

**XVIII**

**"When I'm looking into the eyes of our own baby  
Will it bring new life into me?"**

**New life – Blind Melon**

When Maggie arrived at the clinic to fetch some cough syrup and a bronchodilator for Mrs. Carter she immediately heard someone moaning in agony. She stepped into the infirmary to find Val squatting on the floor, hands gripping her knees, over a pool of liquid, horribly decorated with pink lines of blood, where the hem of her long skirt drowned.

Her head hang forward, hanks of black hair glued to her cheeks and neck and her whole body moved to her violent panting. When she looked up at Maggie, she could see her eyes swollen almost shut. She didn't know how nor why, but when she saw this picture, instead of being terrified, she let herself go, guided only by her instincts and the beautiful memories of her father and her traveling from farm to farm delivering cattle.

The remembrance of her father crossed her mind and lingered in there for a brief moment. She could almost feel the wind on her face as she sat beside her dad in his truck, windows down, and the thrill of being driven to a destination where she would be able to witness a little being coming into this world. Somehow she knew that he was somewhere watching over her at that moment.

Although there was no fascination now, there was the knowledge that she would do anything in this world to help the woman in front of her. As she yelled for Glenn, Maggie helped Val trough a contraction, kneeling next to her, and holding her hand. "You are not alone Val, look at me" she said. When it stopped she spotted Glenn staring at both of them, as pale as a paper sheet.

"Seriously Glenn? You've worn walker guts on you, and you're going to faint on me _now_?" She wasn't going to allow him to disperse, and that was the wakeup call he needed. She led Glenn to the sink and they quickly disinfected their hands, she grabbed some towels and sheets, spread one big towel on a clean spot of the floor and she and Glenn moved Val, putting her arms over their shoulders, to where the clean towel laid.

Maggie decided to maintain Val in the crouching position she had found her in, because she remembered reading in a magazine that primitive women gave birth like that. Well, if we are here to tell the tale, they must have done something right… It made perfect sense to her.

She then got a chair and told Glenn to sit, stripped Val and positioned her between his legs, squatting and facing her. Glenn held her around her chest area, supporting her weight with his arms under her armpits. He could feel her letting herself fall into his arms. She was exhausted.

Another contraction and Glenn held onto Val as she screamed in pain. Maggie could see the head of the baby coming out and in again. "Something is wrong" Val whispered, her strength leaving her body. "He's not coming out because he's stuck. Maggie, you'll have to slip the cord over his head to free him…please." Val said between gasps. Maggie didn't think. She laid on the floor in front of Val and with her hands very carefully and gently felt her way into her and around the baby's head until she found what tightened its neck and removed it.

The next contraction brought the baby's head fully out and then the rest of its body into Maggie's hands. As she held the crying baby in order to hand it over to Valeria, both women couldn't help bursting into tears of joy.

"Glenn, go get Carol" Maggie had said eyes fixed on Val and the baby. Carol new about these things… babies… and she could help them, because at that moment, the feeling of being lost and afraid started to grow in her heart.

When Carol and Daryl arrived Val was already laying in a bed, holding her baby in her arms, while Maggie was starting to clean the floor.

"Carol, thanks for coming" Maggie said, bright eyes greeting her and Daryl. "I think the baby's OK… Val, she's tired and I think she didn't come to her senses yet, maybe she's in a sort of shock… I don't know… the last coherent thing she said to me was right before giving birth, and now, she's just… nonsense, she talks nonsense. I'm lost on what to do with the baby here…"

Carol nodded and walked to where Val was. She had her eyes closed and her lips moved as if she was silently praying. Carol had never talked to Val. The only feeling she had ever had towards this woman was jealousy. She saw her, with her big belly talking to Daryl, and she pictured them like the family he deserved. The feeling still itched in her heart. But she also felt an immense tenderness for her, now that she saw her lying there, resting after battle.

Val slowly opened her eyes and saw Carol "We are sisters, you and I…" she said. Carol didn't made much of it, Maggie said she was talking gibberish. Before Carol could say anything, she grabbed her hand and her fingers started tracing a path up her arm until she stopped, holding her trembling index finger on a small round scar Carol had on the upper arm. "We were both misused by beasts" and her hand fainted to the bed.

Carol didn't know what to think of this, having someone reading her so openly… and «what did she mean by '_we'_? » she thought... And then it hit her. She suddenly knew her story. She didn't have an answer, so she just tenderly told her that everything was going to be alright, and asked her permission to see the baby. She gave it to her so she could observe it, clean it, put on a diaper and swaddle it properly with the resources she and Maggie found in the infirmary's cupboards. After that she told Val that she should feed her baby right away and showed her what she had to do to make it latch on to her breast.

After all this process she felt miserable. An ache on her throat of all the tears she wouldn't allow to escape her eyes. She felt Daryl staring at her throughout all this process and couldn't help imagining what his train of thought had been. He saw old against new, sterility against fertility, the end against the beginning, her against Val…

She smiled politely and stepped away, until she was outside, in the street breathing fresh air.


	19. Chapter 19

**XIX**

** "We're like crystal, we break easy  
I'm a poor man, if you leave me  
I'm applauded, then forgotten  
It was summer, now it's autumn"**

**Crystal – New Order**

Daryl watched Carol through the whole process of taking over, helping Maggie, teaching Val, and he was mesmerized. He saw her in all her glory and tenderness, and he saw what he had already seen before: the whole woman that she was. She was complete: good, bad, hard, soft, and she completed him. He loved her deeply, but at that moment he was overwhelmed with a sense of pride towards her.

«That is my woman… Mine. She is mine… Carol is mine. » Body and soul… He kept repeating it in his head, savoring the words and the way they sounded, much like a kid that had just learned to tie his shoelaces and suddenly realized that because of that single fact he was not a kid anymore, he had conquered a step of the ladder to independence and growth.

The feeling of being in love, of belonging to a girl, of having a lover, was robbed from him during his youth and adulthood. This was new to him, and it felt wonderful, chest aching beautiful.

He didn't move to help them, he didn't want to interrupt the naturally unplanned well-oiled ritual between the three women. Didn't want to help Glenn cleaning the floor either… He just stood, leaning against the wall, arms crossed, watching and appreciating Carol. He realized just then, that she was dressed in her old clothes, even had her military knife strapped to her waist. She had prepared for the expedition thinking that it was time to leave, when Glenn came to her house.

His stomach tightened at the reminder of his deceitful plan. She most certainly didn't deserve his lies. But now that Val had already had the baby, and she seemed to be OK, tired, but OK, maybe Rick would change his mind on the whole Grady matter. He would have to help him change his mind.

His thoughts were interrupted when Carol walked to the door and left. She looked tired, probably needed a break. He took the chance to go to Val and talk to her.

She was feeding the baby, and watching it in pure worship.

"I'm sorry" Daryl timidly said to Val. She didn't react to his presence. Daryl though she hadn't even heard what he had said. He felt guilty. He was supposed to have helped her, but instead he just went running after Carol, discarded her, and never went back to check on her.

He felt Maggie approaching while saying "Daryl, Val needs to rest. She'll be OK. You can talk to her later, OK?"

Daryl made a motion to step backwards, but before he could leave, he heard Val. "Good man, come here... Never say 'I'm sorry'." It seemed that her Italian accent was showing up, reflex of her being worn-out, maybe. "See? Baby Salvatore meet Daryl… My friend, I wish you could feel this, understand what I feel…" And then she narrowed her eyebrows at him "I know what _you _feel…_ 'meglio educare i bambini a parole che con la verga_' right? Better raise them with words and not the cane… or the belt…" She looked him in the eyes and then rested her cheek against her baby's forehead, closing them again.

He trembled at her words and at what they meant to him.

"I know now that she's not dead" She paused, and let a faint smile cross her lips. "You must be at her side always Daryl. She doesn't understand the grasp of your feelings for her. She thinks she's not woman enough for you. Go to her. Don't waste your time in here…"

Maggie who had been hovering around them through this whole conversation, grabbed Daryl's arm so she could steal his attention "See? Her speech is still incoherent… You think I should worry?" she asked nervously. "What the fuck's wrong with you Maggie? She's not talkin' crazy" Daryl raised his voice, taking his arm from Maggie's grip. "She's just tired, n' it's easier to speak in her own language..." She jumped startled at his outbreak, and gave way for him to stride towards the door.

The street was empty. Carol could feel the cold morning breeze hitting her face, as she inhaled. She walked, just for the sake of walking, just for the sake of listening to her feet rapping on the road.

When did she stop caring for the appearances she so vehemently fought to keep? She laughed at herself. «Pathetic» she thought. Pathetic, the respect she once had towards Rick, a man who had send her to exile once, to her own punishment, to her death. Who wears the name of justice, but who himself had done mistakes that were forgiven. She didn't feel anger anymore towards Rick, she just felt heartbroken and sad.

The expression '_blind spot'_ echoed in the back of her mind again, only now, she thought she couldn't see things more clearly. The love she felt for Daryl made her stronger, more resistant, and tough. Not the other way around.

She felt Daryl approaching from behind and in a swift movement, not even bothering to confirm that it was indeed him, turned and embraced him, her arms around his neck, her cheek touching his. He wrapped his arms around her so tight that she had trouble breathing.

"Is that a gun in your pocket?" Carol said to him grinning. He contained a muffled laugh. She used to do that, the use humor to lighten up her feelings. It never ceased to surprise him. "I'm so angry at you Daryl Dixon… You were going to leave without me." As she said that, she kept hugging him.

"Don't know if I was gonna be able to do it… I don't want to go Carol. I think it's crazy." Daryl sighed. He felt relieved to get it off his chest. The guilt of not telling her the truth… the guilt of not being there for Val… It had been consuming him.

He looked at her still holding her. "I think this place is crazy… and what Rick wants… doesn't make sense to me. Not right now".

Carol became puzzled. What exactly was he saying? "And you want to leave the group?" He didn't answer her, just stared into her eyes. He didn't have the courage to say that he wanted to leave with her. Somehow, within all the craziness that was Alexandria to him, _that_ even made less sense. He would rather endure the nonsense than to be without her. And that was the notion that had been consistent in his mind for a while now. He would endure it for her, because he didn't know how not to do that.

"Let's go tell Abraham and Michonne that Val had the baby, then we'll eat and after that we're gonna talk to Rick together. You n' I are gonna make him see OK? You think you can keep your fangs hidden?" Daryl asked.

"So you're not going to Grady?"

"I'm not going to Grady."

"OK, Yeah, I think I can do that for you" she smiled in response.

They found Rick at the small church where Father Gabriel resided. Carl was at his house and had told him he had been going to visit him every morning for a couple of weeks now, as an answer to the unspoken question stamped on their faces.

As Daryl and Carol opened the front door they interrupted a loquacious speech about the meaning of sin, guilt and penitence that was being given by Father Gabriel, majestically standing in front of his audience, holding quiet Hannah by the hand as if she was his adornment. A few people turned their heads towards the perpetrators. Rick was among those few people.

"And it is them the deceitful ones" Father Gabriel continued after a brief pause, pointing at Daryl who stepped forward placing himself in front of Carol in a defensive move. "The ones who carry war on their hands and strapped around their waist" He took a deep breath and looked upwards as if listening, first hand, to the message from God Himself "It is them who poison us. They carry the wings of angels on their back, but their true nature is rotten. That man in front of me I can see him… Oh I can _see_ him Lord, and he is evil".

Carol looked at Rick and he just sat there, looking at her, not reacting. Daryl took her hand and started to lead her back outside.

"Look at him, fleeing the House of the Lord! Yes! Run away demon, you don't belong here…" he continued.

And then she snapped.

She growled and let out a loud screeching battle cry as she ran down the aisle towards Father Gabriel, arms stretched, hands aiming his throat. Rick quickly got up and both, him and Daryl, held her before she could get to the holy man, now crouched behind Hannah, who, in turn, remained emotionless.

Her hands kept clawing the air as she screamed "Coward!" She would have sworn that for the tiniest moment, Hannah smirked at her, but maybe it was just an illusion, because the girl just stood there in a sort of stupor.

Rick and Daryl managed to take Carol, squirming violently, out of the church.

"Calm down Carol… calm down…" Rick said in a soft voice, looking directly in her eyes. Daryl was holding her by the waist.

"You did nothing Rick? What are you exactly doing? Are you losing your mind? I don't understand…" she shouted at Rick. "Let me go damn it! I'm not going to run" and she let herself loose from Daryl's grip.

"I'm trying to get my way with everyone here without the use of force. I'm trying to build a society. Going against people's beliefs, against _Faith_ is not a good idea… Carol."

"So you just stop sticking by your own family? I always stood by your side Rick, even when you thought I didn't. But now I have to do this for someone else". Her breathing was hard, and she turned to Daryl.

"Daryl, you have to leave now."

"No, Carol, I…"

"You have to go Daryl. We don't deserve you and you don't belong here. This… _life_ here is wrong for you… it's killing you inside. Please, leave".


	20. Chapter 20

**XX**

**"Yesterday I got so old  
I felt like I could die  
Yesterday I got so old  
It made me want to cry**

**So go on go on just walk away  
Go on go on your choice is made  
Go on go on and disappear  
Go on go on away from here"**

**In between days – The Cure**

"Carol this is not the way… we need Daryl" Rick said leaning his head forward.

"We need him?" Carol stared at him in disbelief. "Rick, I don't always agree with you, but I love you and respect you. And I swear to God that if you keep talking, I will not be responsible for my actions". She paused and took a deep breath.

"The matter of fact is, Rick, Daryl doesn't need us. And we have to let him go. This is like prison to him. He's fading away, and I'm not talking this over with you".

Daryl's world was collapsing right there. He was speechless and heartbroken. He turned away, and left, alone, and went to Eric and Aaron's house to collect his stuff. He was starting to feel claustrophobic and dizzy.

She had asked him to leave.

So, he would leave.

His old friend rage and his well-known pal anger were building up inside of him again, raising their usual defensive walls around his mind. «Fuck it. I'm better off without these people anyway».

He went straight to the garage, and started gathering his belongings into his messenger bag. He didn't own much… And where the fuck was his crossbow? He had left it in the bike's rack above the rear fender, but now it wasn't there. "Shit, Rick took it to the armory… really?" He whispered to himself.

"Hey Daryl, you OK? Long time no see… Come inside, let's talk! I'll do the talking, you don't even have to move your lips… Everybody's acting kind of crazy, are you into a little sanity right now?" Aaron said playfully, standing at the garage's entrance.

Daryl didn't answer. He continued to gather his things. Al least his gun, some ammunition and a knife he had kept from the last time him and Aaron were out were still there.

"I'm leaving this shithole. Taking one of them bottles of water, is it OK?" he asked Aaron in a cold indifferent tone.

"What? Why? Daryl, no! What about Carol?" Aaron walked towards him, concerned.

"Yeah… that didn't work out." Daryl composed himself. Aaron and Eric had been kind to him. He thought of them as friends and he was going to miss them. He reached for Aaron and gave him a quick strong hug. "I can't stay here… It don't feel right, you know?… I'll be OK on my own, always have. It's better this way. I hope you and Eric will be OK too… and kick some of them asses for me right?"

Aaron wasn't really surprised by all that was happening. But he couldn't help feeling sorry for Daryl's departure.

"I can't believe this is happening Daryl, but somehow I feel that you are doing the right thing" He put his hand on his shoulder. "But I do worry about Carol. She'll be a mess if you go without her".

"Nah, she'll be alright". Daryl looked down, trying hard not to show the emotion in his eyes. "She has fire in the belly, that one. Ain't none of you gonna make her bend" He looked up at the sky, avoiding Aaron's eyes. "Shit, she'll have you and Eric cooking meals for the older folks in no time".

Daryl tried to laugh at his own joke, but the effort fainted in his lips. "Do something for me OK? Make sure Val n' the babe are fine. I think she freaks out a little bit when she's alone".

"That, my friend, has been arranged! Me and Eric… we just love Val. She's moving in with us for the time being, until she feels she can stand on her own. Eric is… well, he's over excited with everything, can't stop planning and rearranging since morning. I just hope he won't suffocate her right away" he smiled.

Daryl nodded and threw the bag over his shoulder and started walking towards the road. "Daryl, what are you doing? Take the bike!"

"Not mine to take. And you can use it… It may come in handy sometime."

"I think you're wrong, that bike _is _yours, but I also know that you're stubborn as a mule."

"Aaron, mules aren't really stubborn… they're just cautious. Don't like to be put in danger." And that was Daryl's exit line.

When he was out of Aaron's sight Daryl couldn't make himself leave just like that. He thought about breaking into the new armory to get his crossbow, but he dismissed that idea right away. He just didn't care.

He had to discreetly walk into an empty half built house in order to try and calm himself down. He couldn't go through the main gate crying like a baby… he still had some dignity, although apparently being considered the evil redneck by the Alexandrian people.

He wanted so badly to be with Carol at that moment, that he clenched his jaws until it hurt. The loneliness was hard to sink in again… as if it didn't live there anymore. _He_ didn't live there anymore. He didn't feel himself in Alexandria, but he didn't feel himself leaving either.

He missed her.

He sat on the floor, head between his hands, sobbing uncontrollably… tears, sweat and saliva that he tried to sweep away with the heel of his hand. He would not go to her. He would not beg.

He would also not ask her to risk her holographic safety by leaving with him. But it seemed to him, that even if he asked her she would just say no. The way she had told him to leave was self-explanatory.

And that was even worse. He knew Alexandria was hanging by a thread. Right now he didn't trust Rick with his toothpick, let alone with a whole town… let alone with Carol. How could he leave her not being sure that she was going to be safe?

The only way he could leave was by trusting her. He had to trust that she had made the right decision for herself, not even considering coming with him.

Of all the times he imagined himself leaving this God forsaken town, this was not one of the scenarios. But he had to do it. It would be like ripping off a Band-Aid. It had to be done fast and without thinking too much about it.

And so, he started his journey towards the gates of Alexandria and into the world.


	21. Chapter 21

**XXI**

**"When the world ends**

**Collect your things**

**You're coming with me"**

**When the world ends – Dave Matthew's Band**

_"Don't look at me bitch" he used to say when he turned her over to the wall and took her body. He grabbed her neck and pressed her head to the cold surface. She felt her cheek scrape the stone, tasted the tears and blood that travelled down her face._

_It's not that it didn't hurt. It did. It's not that she didn't like it. She didn't. But she felt nothing but her own imprisonment. A bird in a cage, not even able to flap its wings in an attempt to escape._

_Those were the worse times, when Ed got home drunk and frustrated. Those were the times that she waited for him to pass out so she could take Sophia from her bed in the middle of the night and run to the shelter._

_Never again would she run from anything. She would stay and fight. _

_She had loved Daryl since the moment she allowed herself to love him. For the longest time he lived at the back of her mind. She avoided even thinking too much about him as a 'real man', just as she avoided to imagine the world going back to what it was before: illusions and disillusions. She felt a connection, but who was she to think that there was more there than just a sweet heart who saw someone damaged in need of some kindness. He had always been kind to her._

_But then he took off with Merle, left the group, and she felt empty and sad. Life was happening, but he started living somewhere else other than hidden under layers of every other thought she had had. _

_After that, he returned and then there were other times they had been apart, and the known desperation of being without him was her driver, her strength. _

_The way he always did the honorable thing took her breath away. The way he looked at her made her feel that maybe she was imagining it. Made her feel like the end of the world didn't matter all that much. Whether she wanted it or not, the power of the touch, the might of sharing one's intimacy was inexorably powerful._

_She would do everything to be with him always. He was her 'real man', the love of her life, he owned her heart and her body, and she would never let it go._

_But she had some clean up to do first._

"Carol, we have a good thing going on here. A good thing that is worth keeping. I'm not proud of every decision I have made in the past, I'm not. But if it justifies our survival, our _being alive_, I think that it was all worth it."

Rick took a deep breath, put his hands on his waist, and closing his eyes he continued.

"Pete… I shouldn't have… done it, with everybody watching. People were seeing me as a lunatic, I understand that now and I can't go back there. This is politics, something that we have not been used to. We need to be prepared, we need to be strong, but we also need more, for the greater good… The war is over."

Carol watched Daryl walking away as she heard Rick. It felt wrong. It felt empty.

People were leaving church and calmly walking to their houses. Quietly… dispersing carefully, looking at them over their shoulders, scared.

Jessie was the only one walking away fast, taking Sam and Hannah by the hand.

Rick kept talking "I understand that Daryl wants to leave. I do, trust me. I would never force him to be here Carol, never. You have to believe me".

"I do Rick, I do believe you. He stayed here because of me. Not you. But you didn't back him up. I didn't back him up…" she looked at her own bare hands so that she wouldn't have to stare at Daryl disappearing as he turned to Aaron and Eric's house at a distance "and he never let us down Rick".

Rick held Carol's hand with a strong grip. "I'm sorry Carol, I didn't mean to hurt you or him. You both mean a lot to me. Family."

"I know Rick, I believe you, but you are losing your sight. You're wrong… War isn't over. Someone will want to take over sooner or later… Someone from the outside perhaps. Someone who discovers what a perfect little organized town you have here, and wants it to himself."

"No… no Carol, I know I was a sceptic when I arrived, but I do believe it now. We are special… _This_ is special. We are going to make history. This is the beginning, this is where it all starts…"

"And you and Jessie are going to be the perfect couple? Adam and Eve of the new Era?" She interrupted. "Is that what you want? Remember when Shane wanted the same thing with Lori?"

Rick darted a surprised look at her. He had never discussed Lori and Shane with Carol, but he knew that she was smart and perceptive. Her reference triggered a sense of shame inside him, something that he wasn't accustomed to. Something he didn't allow himself to feel ever. It was part of leading, of _being_ a leader. Her comparison was accurate. He had lusted for another man's wife. He had killed that man, masking his reasons for doing so, under the guise of caution and justice. If Shane had succeeded, once upon a time, he would be the one laying under the ground.

She stepped closer to him, took his face in her hand, and looked him in the eyes. "Maybe war is already happening. From the inside. You've been patching up breaches on the walls, but they just keep the bad seeds inside. If you allow yourself to see…"

"Carol, Rick, I'm sorry to interrupt… I thought I could stay put, but wouldn't forgive myself if I didn't come to warn you" Aaron approached crossing the street towards them running.

"Daryl's gone… he's gone for good… Didn't take his bike, his crossbow was missing, and he just left…"

A shot of panic went through Carol's eyes. She thought she would have more time.

"Aaron, I'm taking the bike OK? I'll be right over your house. Rick, you have to come with me".

Rick didn't ask any questions, he just followed her to her house. When she got there, Carol asked him to stay at her doorstep. A few minutes later she reappeared with a leather strapped backpack slung over her shoulders.

Rick stared at her. He knew what she was doing. He didn't have to ask.

"You can come back anytime Carol you know that. I'll always be here for you and Daryl"

Carol stared into Rick's eyes, and spoke from the depths of her heart "I know this is not it for us. I know we'll see each other again…" she paused and smiled "maybe on the other side or maybe in Alexandria. I'd love to see Judith growing older and becoming a woman". Ricks eyes were gleaming. Carol didn't fight the tears from falling. Saying goodbye to this man, so flawed and so strong at the same time, was hard. "You know I have to be with him, Rick".

Rick nodded staring blankly at the street. She took him by the hand and they both walked to Jessie's house. At her doorstep she put her bag down and knocked.

Rick started to say "what are you doing…?" but Carol made a motion with her hand for him to shut up as she stared at the door. Her expression now hard and cold.

"What do you want? Please leave…" Jessie said not opening the front door all the way.

"Where's Sam?" Carol asked. Jessie didn't answer, she kept shaking her head and looking at Rick, silently asking him to go away with her eyes.

Carol pushed her away from the door, grabbing Rick's arm so he would follow her inside. She stared at Jessie, eyes wide open, and grabbed her shoulders "Jessie, listen to me, and listen to me good. This is not your fault. None of it is your fault. Follow me." Jessie was perplexed, gaping at her.

Carol entered Sam's bedroom. He and Hanna sat on the bed perfectly composed, as if they were expecting her.

"You little troublemaker, where is it?" Carol asked. "Hanna? Where is it, tell me!" Hanna whispered in Sam's ear, and Sam answered "We don't know what you are talking about Miss Carol".

"It's over you little brats. Show me where you are keeping the guns you've been stealing from the Armory" Carol demanded.

At this accusation Jessie reacted with a defensive move, but Rick told her to be quiet. And they all stared at the children silently.

Carol caught Sam quickly staring at a floor boards and then trying to disguise it. And then she knew. She kneeled and rapped her knuckles on the floor until she felt something loose and hollow beneath her. She took the board that covered a hiding under the floor and found Daryl's crossbow, his arrows and a Superman gym bag that she opened to find three guns and a lot of ammo.

She looked up at Rick "Finders, keepers. I'll let you deal with the rest here... Send my love to the rest of the group for me?"

Rick bowed his head at her and as she left the room carrying her weapons she could hear Hanna starting to yell obscenities at Rick and Jessie. She knew Rick had it covered now.

After she said her goodbyes to Eric she left their house towards the main gate. Aaron at her side, walking while holding the motorcycle's handlebars with both hands. She had loaded the motorcycle with the gym bag she had found at Jessie's, Daryl's crossbow and her backpack. She carried on her back and extra riffle, given by Aaron, with its sling draped across her torso.

She hugged Aaron who passed her the bike's handles so she could carry on by herself through the gate he opened then and quickly closed after she crossed it.

She could see a tiny figure of a man down the road. He had his back turned to her but he wasn't moving. «I'm coming babe» she thought playfully to herself. The bike was heavy as hell, so she walked slowly and carried its weight with effort.

Shots came from the tower, taking down a few walkers that were approaching Carol. She half turned back, put her right hand over her heart and then stretched her arm in the air making a peace sign with her fingers «thank you Sasha» she thought.

Maybe it was the sound from the shots, or maybe it was just pure instinct that made Daryl turn around and see Carol coming to him. He ran to her as fast as he could, took the bike's support foot down so she could be freed from the weight and held her with such a force that they fell to the ground.

"Shit Carol, are you stealin' stuff again?" He said trying to keep a serious face, but beaming behind his eyes. "Never! These are wedding gifts from our friends, darling…" He crushed her lips with his and took her mouth greedily.


	22. Chapter 22 - Epilogue

**Epilogue**

**"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power."  
\- Alan Cohen**

This was his heaven… Shit, this was better than heaven. Daryl lifted his head and watched Carol lying next to him, fast asleep. Her grip on his shirt was what had woken him up. She had such a peaceful look on her face, flushed cheeks, reddish lips slightly apart drawn in a faint smile. But at the same time that her face was serene, she clenched her fist grabbing his shirt, assuring herself of his presence although being unconscious. This is how they usually slept. She always inadvertently clung to his clothing or his hand during the night.

They had been traveling together for a few months now. 'Nomads', Carol once had called them. Sleeping under the stars or inside any sort of shelter. Sometimes they stayed a while longer in one place, but soon they felt the urge to move. They were tuned in to the freedom of wandering wherever they hearts desired, belonging only to each other.

Daryl had told her that he had never left Georgia, and Carol decided that something had to be done about it. They would leave Georgia and explore the world. Grand Canyon, Mount Rushmore… why not?

It was a dangerous world out there, walkers and villains lurked in every corner, but they felt safer than ever since the outbreak.

So they just laid there, on a bed of a random room in a random abandoned house with a story of love between them.

The emergency of being together didn't dissipate with time. If anything else, it was intensified by the knowledge that time was something they needed to make the best of.

That is why he needed to make love to her right then. In the middle of the night.

He had to feel her skin under her shirt, he watched his own fingers as they lingered on her bellybutton, the faint stretch marks on her stomach, the freckle on her thigh. This was his alone-time, and he could spend it observing every small detail of her skin, every curve of her body.

When the urge came, he had to press his lips on her hips, inhale the scent of her skin and savor the warmth of her essence.

He would use his mouth on her until she came. He loved to make her come like this, during her sleep. She never woke up feeling sated. She felt wanton. And if he was fast enough to get inside her, he would still feel the aftershock of her orgasm around him. And at that moment, when he would be deep inside her, locked together in lust, would be the moment that he would give her the words she wanted, he would tell her he loved her.


End file.
